CHAPTER FIVE – BD Thesis | V. AN EVALUATION OF RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD AND CONCLUSION

Marriage is an institution ordained by God. It is, however, not purely Christian institution, but also made by people and of this world. It is not simply device for procreation, but a means to mutual fellowship and companionship. It is therefore the most abiding human relationship between man and woman where they are responsible fro each other’s welfare for every aspect of their lives.

Family is the basic unit and foundation of the society. It is dependent on the society. In the family, parents have responsibility to God, to each other, to children and their society.

Therefore, marriage and family in Christian understanding, from the perspective of responsible parenthood cannot be conceived apart from responsibility which we need to understand.

Parenthood is always understood in terms of responsibility. In marriage and family, the parents accept responsibility for each other as they are created complimentary and mutual beings. Through the concept of “one flesh” they have both physical and spiritual obligation to each other. St. Paul, therefore, exhorts the couples for the good of each other (I Cor 7:14; Eph 2:4). Hence, one cannot live according to one’s way. Any plan and decision affecting the family must be the combined work of both husband and wife without any selfish interest. They must responsible for each other because “both parents share equal responsibility for the family….” Therefore, it would be wrong for one to impose his/her view on the other and also for one partner to leave the decision to the other, God-given conscience for choice must be used responsibly.

The sense of parents’ responsibility to God evolves their responsibility to children. This is one of the most important duties of a couple in marriage and family. It must be noted that the very concept of responsible parenthood implies its rich joys and responsibility as parents share in the creative work of God. Thomas, therefore, affirms, “as love flowers into marriage and marriage into family, new incentives arise and wider obligations are assumed.” Marriage and family are therefore, both a privilege and responsibility.

Parents should realize their wide obligations and take account of their best ability to love, care and bring them up in the best possible way. They must try to prepare them to become responsible citizen in the society in their later life. Children have the full right to “parental care in infancy and youth and to proper equipment form society to serve God fully in it themselves.”

Besides, their physical needs, parents are also responsible for the spiritual upbringing of the children. They need religious training, instruction, teaching and discipline.

To conclude, in the light of our previous discussions, we have come to conclusion that responsible parenthood has to be closely associated with marriage and family which divinely ordained by God from the very beginning of creation. We also have seen the responsibility of parents toward their children.

In all our studies and examination of the concept, it has been clearly found that Christian marriage and family can not be understood apart from responsibility. In a family, parents are responsibility for their children for their total needs from infancy, till they become mature responsible person.

But today among the Zou parents one of the most serious problems which endanger is that parents thin that once a child admitted in the school, they have no responsibility for children except for supplying their physical needs. Parents often say we feed and clothe them and you teach them. This is a great mistake/misunderstanding on the part of parents. Children need the instruction and exemplary life of parents at home is a foundation for personality development.

Children may form the habits of prayer from the fact that parents engage in prayer at all times, in times of sickness, health, rejoicing and grief. The values and standard that child learn to make their own originate in the home. For example, honesty, hospitality, act of politeness, obedience, dignity of labor begins at home. Parents should assign certain pieces of work to every child. Children who have learned to work in the home will never suffer. It is in the home that the child first learns involvement in relationship. To be able to live a useful life in the society, the child has to learn how to maintain relationship with outside of home.

The Christians in today’s world have failed to show good Christian examples and have their zeal to serve the Lord. Many parents have neglected Christian education in their home, church, schools, and communities and so on. This is the reason why the rate of social evil is high in today’s society. In such a situation, every parents should plan their work properly, so that the child is gradually led into fuller knowledge of Christ. In this regard, the teaching and biblical truth is very important in order to help children grow in faith and in the relationship with God and fellow friends.

The other aspect in marriage and family is the responsibility of parents to society. The family is a basic unit of society upon the family. The harmony of the society depends upon responsible parents who produce useful children for their society. Parents are answerable to him in all that they do and plan for the family. Thus, we can affirm the fact that the concept of responsible parenthood means responsibility of parents to children by considering the rights of the child to love, care both physically and spiritually, psychologically and mentally to educate and to a full human existence.

If parents neglect their children by not teaching these values then the whole community and society suffers because of family is a barometer indicating not only what is going on in the world now, but what will be tomorrow and future generation. Therefore, when the home breaks, the community, society and the nation is on the skids. The contemporary social problems are due to the failure of the home. It is sad thing that many parents do not have a candid picture of home or family. They fail to create the right environment of a parent-child relationship. In many homes there is total lack of proper reasoning and guidance and instead resort to scolding and beating for a slight mischievous behavior. Moreover, with the development of culture and modern technique or modernization in every sphere of life, work, entertainment and recreation are provided outside homes and draw the attraction of many outside the realm of homes. Hence the home easily becomes a ‘feeding station by day and a dormitory by night.’ It is also a mistake to think and depend mainly upon school, church or Sunday School as the only place for the children to learn Christian virtues and concepts. But these are only secondary training centers. The home stands in the first place with parents as teachers.

Thus, the home is the first institution because every human being comes out from a home. The home is where God is the head and where the parents teach and guide the members according to God’s will and have faith in God and trust each others in the home which God wants. But in a home where the parents depend upon their riches and knowledge, their children will become depressed, frustrated, such home atmosphere becomes heavy, uncared, and neglected. This situation will result a situation where the Christian children become preys of drugs and immoral activities. Thus, the Christian home should be a home standing firm on the rock and not on the sand.

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End Notes

Ellen G. White., Happiness Homemade (Nashville: Southern Publishing Association, 1971), p. 27
A.M.J. Kloosterman., Family Planning and Christian Marriage (London: Wm Collin & Sons Co. Ltd., 1970)
John, A. Saliqu M., Family in the Purpose of God., op. cit. , p. 13
Fagly, Richard M., The Population Explosion and Christian Responsibility (New Your: Oxford University Press, 1960), p.231.

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BIBLIOGRAPHY

Adam, Jay E. Solving Marriage Problems. Michigan: Zondervan Publishing House, 1983.
Amer, Jonatsungba. Biblical Principles of Christian Education Applied to Christian School in Nagaland. Jorhat: Assam Printing Works, Pvt. Ltd., 1993.
Arnold, Eberhard. Love and Marriage in the Spirit. New York: The Plough Publishing House, 1984.
Barnette, Henlu H. Introduction to Christian Ethics. Nashville: Broadman Press, n. y.
Bhushan Vidya. An Introduction to Sociology. Allahabad: Kitab Mahal, 1984.
Christenson, Larry. The Christian Family. Minneapolis: Bethany Fellowship, 1970
Getz, Gene A. The Measure of Family. California: G/L Publishers, 1967.
Goldman, Ronald. Readiness for Religious Education. London: Routledge and Kegan Paul, n. y.
Hoefer, Herbert E. Teachers as Parent. Madras: CLS, 1976.
Klosterman, A.M.J. Family Planning and Christian Marriage. London: Wm. Collins Sons Co. Ltd. 1970.
Lahaye, Tim. The Spirit Controlled Family Living. New Jersey: Power Books, 1978.
Lianngengi, P. Lalpa Hmangaih Kristian Chhungkua (Godly Christian Family). Aizawl: Rev. & Mrs. Siamliana, 1990.
Lydia and Lovise Paw (Eds.). Family Concerns and Church Programs (South East Asian Christian Family Series, 1982). Philippines: Baptist Council on World Mission, 1992.
Paulus, Vimala. Introducing Christian Education. Bombay: CLS, 1993.
Rai, B.C. Educational Psychology. Lucknow: Prakashan Kendra, 1992.
Ralte, Lalramzaua. Kristian Chhungkua (Christian Family). Aizawl: Synod Publication Board, 1989.
Rice, John R. Home. Madras: ELS, 1994.
Richard Fagley, M., The Population Explosion and Christian Responsibility. New York: Oxford University Press, 1960.
Sadeq, John W., Family in the Purpose of God: A Miscellany of Essays Relating to Planned Parenthood in India Settings. Nagpur: The National Christian Council and Christian Medical Association of India, n.y.
Satya, R.N. & Bhatai Bd. Educational Psychology and Guidance. Delhi: Phanpati & Sons,n.y.
Scudder, C. W., The Family in Christian Perspective. Nashville: Broadman Press, 1972.
Stott, John. Issues Facing Christianity Today. Bombay: CLS, 1984.
Thomas, Mary. Family Life: A Christian Perspective. Madras: CLS, 1982
White, Ellen G., Happiness Homemade. Nashville: Southern Publishing Association, 1974.
_____________ . Happiness in Marriage. Poona: Oriental Watchman Publishing House, n. y.

UNPUBLISHED SOURCES

Aye, David. “Psychological Approach to the Youth Problems in Reference to Sumi Youths in Nagaland.” Unpublished B.D. Thesis Submitted to Eastern Theological College, 1996.
Down, Mary Evans. “Creative Foundation Starting a Nursery School” (Unpublished MSS).
Imchen, Tali R. “The Role of Christian Education in Developing Child Personality.” Unpublished B.D. Thesis submitted to Eastern Theological College, 1996.
Lotha, Remphamo E.N. “Christian Attitude Towards the Concept of Responsible Parenthood: An Ethical Evaluation.” Unpublished B.D. Thesis in United Theological College, 1978.
Moarenla, N. “The Disintegration Traditional Ao Family Patterns and Its Impact on Modern Christian Family.” Unpublished B.D. Thesis, Eastern Theological College, 1996.
Samuel, Vinoji. “The New Testament Concept of Family.”Unpublished M.Th Thesis Submitted to Asian Christian Academy, India Evangelical Theological Seminary, Hosur, 1994.
The Asian Churches and Responsible Parenthood. Bangkok: EACC Consultation, 1964.
The Christian Home. Shillong: WESI –NE, Triennial Conference on 6th – 10th January, 1993.
Magazines/Journals/ Newspapers/Periodicals/Pamphlets
Decision. Vol. No. XI “Help for Your Family.” Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, June, 1994.
New Woman. Vol. 19, No. 6, “Parenting Guidance for Child Rearing.” Shillong, Spring June, 1996.
The Eastern Clarion, Jorhat, March, 27, 1996.

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Introduction | Chapter 01 | Chapter 02 | Chapter 03 | Chapter 04 | Chapter 05

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CHAPTER FOUR - BD Thesis | IV. NEEDS FOR TEACHING CHRISTIAN TRUTH AT HOME

4.1. Teach the Value of Worship

Here we would focus on the family worship; but we would first define the meaning of worship in order to enhance its importance.

The Old Testament word used to speak of the worship of God, shachal (Hebrew) means literally “to bow down”; proskunau (Greek) the principal New Testament word for the worship of God, means literally “to bow down,” or “to kiss the hand toward” are behavioral or actions. They are not merely an awareness or feeling. Worship is an expression or behavior that arises from input, awareness, feeling, and decision. But worship does not exist until there is expression or behavior. Thus, we should define worship in terms of expression, “worship in my voluntary, conscious expression to God of His worth, greatness, and goodness to me”

Now we shall see some of the examples of family worship in the Bible. Since the Bible was written in the Patriarchal society the role of father or husband was mentioned many times. For example, God chose Noah to be the source of protection for his children during the flood. To Abraham, He said that through his children and the descendant, he would be the head of a special nation (Gen. 12:2). To Jacob God gave the responsibility of providing for the spiritual guidance to twelve sons. Joshua was given special ability not to lead His people to the promised land of Canaan but to give them spiritual direction through his choosing together with his whole family, “to serve the Lord” (Jos 24:15).

From the above observation of the Old Testament people we can clearly see that God gave the responsibility to father/husband and they are also actively involved in family worship. Since they started worship in their families, they were god leaders and effective father in their time. Today, they modern world is engaged and visual media. Even the children are easily fallen into the trap in modern tempting world. So the parents’ duty is to protect their children from all kinds of attraction: spiritual, mental or physical through family worship prayer. So the role of parents, especially father is really important.

According to Victor Tobing: God wants to use man to be special channel for all the matters of His family. But His fulfillment of task can be carried only when men had right relationship with God. And through God’s word man can know how he needs to behave in the presence of wife and children and guide them properly.

But today many parents, especially church leaders, are not successful and withdrawn from taking responsibility to their respective family. One pastor said to me that we the pastors had no time to teach our children, because we are to busy in our pastoral ministry. If we are not successful in our children, that is not our fault. That pastor’s word touches my heart and it is difficult to accept for me. Because, for me, the success of the pastor’s ministry will be first seen in the family, Church, society and so on.

Generally, family worship includes Bible reading and prayer of 10, 20 and 30 minutes. This traditional pattern has no deeper meaning. Let us see some of the necessary elements of conducting family worship

1. The whole family should join together.

Today, some of the family had regular worship at hoe. But parents do not care whether their children are joining or not. They are not strict and do not instruct the importance of family worship. But surely the whole family should be together in worship, and should take part. Each should contribute his/her part of the blessing that comes from united prayer and praise and hearing of the world of God.

John E. Rice, rightly says that: If there is a reason for the family eating together or be together at Christmas or thanksgiving, there is reason for the family to worship together or together regularly for family worship.

The family is unique before God. The family should fix the appropriate time for every one of them to join in the worship service. Some people had early morning; but some had in late night before sleep. But it should be the convenience of the family.

2. All Members Should Take Part

It is good that one person should read the Bible and leading in prayer. But today especially the Zou fathers lead or spent with parental authority. This is inherited form the traditional family set up. Modern psychologist lay stress on the need for a democratic set up in family for the development of the individual as person. Due to too much parental authority, children are provoke and boring even in worship time. If possible it is good to conduct/have family worship as simple as possible. Too much preparation will give bad impact to the child; because they can think the presence of God is only during family worship. They should know god’s presence is everywhere, time and so on.

It is good to change the order of service. We can change the way of reading Bible and prayer. There must be a time for sharing of their experience in a past day. Even the little baby should be taught to memorize some short verses, or should be taught a simple prayer. And as soon as s/he can read the Bible, the child should read the Scripture. S/he should learn to bow his/her head and keeping his/her hand while praying. Family worship should be used for sharing and asking questions. The child might not clearly understand what s/he learns in Sunday School or his/her subjects like science which contradict the teaching of the Bible especially creation story and so on. Parents should clearly explain and teach the uniqueness of the Bible. Anyhow, it is good to encourage critical thought and judgment and they should be made to think for themselves. But religion should not be taught in an authoritarian way.

It is good to bring our tithe and missionary offering or faith promise in Sunday family worship service. Parents should explain the practice of giving tithe and others offerings to their children and offers prayers before giving to the church. It is good to give missionary faith promise and Bible Society donation in the name of our children.

These will give positive impact to the life of the child.

3. The purpose and uniqueness of regular worship service in the family are as follows:

Family worship is not simply a kind of gathering, but it is really unique and meaningful. As we have already stated that the home is the first and most important place of worshipping God. So the family must have regular worship service for the following reasons.

i. Christian education has its basic in the Bible, which is the work of God. God is worthy to be praised and worshipped by human being. Thus, by having regular worship in the family, the children are reminded of the true meaning of life and fear of God in their whole of life.

ii. Family worship service will give many blessing to the family. Because reading and praying to God will give more closeness to God. In this way many children encounter Jesus Christ through their family worship service.

iii. By having regular worship times and participation will encourage the child to give experience and leadership quality in future. They could lead the singing, prayer service in the church or Sunday School, because they are already trained in their family.

4.2. Teach the Value of Prayer

The role of parents especially father was really unique in the Bible. The father represents priest in his family. As a priest he is called to intercede before God and claiming God’s protection and blessing upon them. In the Bible, this priestly role is typified in the Passover ordinance. In each family it was a tradition for the father to kill the sacrificial lamb and to sprinkle its blood over.

Parents should also teach like – Mealtime prayer, Bed-time prayer, Morning Prayer and so on. When the child is sick parents should lay his/her hand and pray before giving medicine. So that children will thing that God has cured through medicine. Parents should also pray every day for their children. So that children will be meaningful in their life.

4.3. Teaching

The home is the best place in the world to teach the Bible. The home- taught Bible is the greatest source of moral character. Home where the Bible is diligently taught to the children and where the Lord Jesus Christ becomes their own Savior and Lord will no child delinquency, because the Bible has the answer to life’s questions. We must teach the children from the Bible in order to introduce them to Christ and strengthened their relationship with Him. Sound habits, a social conscience, and moral responsibility follow the light of the word of God into the minds of children. Dr. William Lyon Phelops said, “knowledge of the Bible was worth more than a college education in value both for happiness and usefulness.” The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Prov. (9:10), and the Bible is the foundation of ethics, philosophy, history, humanity and religion and etc.

That’s why God put the responsibility to parents. In Deut. 6:6, it says, “And these words, which I command thee this day… thou shalt teach them diligently unto the children, and shalt talk of them when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” This is a clear picture of parents teaching the word of God to their children in the home.

Proper and timely training is the most important path of success in any one’s life with regards to any filed or area. Eph 6:4 points out Fathers are to train their children in Lord’s way. It is not optional but command. This is a consistent neglect among parents forgetting the responsibility of training the child to bring them up strong mentally, physically and spiritually. Parents must realize that the ultimate responsibility of bringing the child reacts not with the child or school but with the parents. The importance of training the children is brought out by the wisest Solomon in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

It is a fundamental and foremost responsibility of parents to teach their children to be obedience to the Law of God. As long as they live, they are accountable to God to keep His way. Some parents complained that they do not have the gift of teaching and time. Since it is not a systematic role at class rooms, it needs not much ability. It is also not mandatory; parents can only decide whether or not they will obey the word. Many parents also say, “I have no time to be with my children and teach them.” They should not have taken upon them the time which is justly theirs; they rob them of the education which they should have at their hands. To those parents who make the above excuses Ellen S. White, make an appealed as below:

Then for Christ’s sake spend less time on your dress. Neglect if you are to adorn your apparel. Neglect to receive and make calls. Neglect to cook an endless variety of dishes. But, never, never neglect your children. What is the chaff to the wheat? Let nothing interpose between you and the best interests of your children … Parents also should remember that if the children do not find in their parents and in their home that which will satisfy their desire for sympathy and companionship, they will look to other sources, where both mind and character may be endangered.

Every home today desperately needs parents who understand importance of teaching the children. Because, the main responsibility of spiritual training is laid upon parents. The most powerful way to teach the young children is by parental example. If children feel that their parents are good to them, comfortable with them, and loving them by caring; naturally they want to follow the footsteps of their parents. Thus, to talk about the spiritual thing apart from setting forth a living example before them seems lie ‘hypocritic’ before the child.

Parents have much opportunities to teach children God’s word in the course of daily activities. Today due to scientific discovery, media education and other reasons, many children express their doubt concerning the creation of universe, human being and so on. So parents and Sunday School teachers should teach properly from their childhood. Children also should sees all these facts and believe through the life and practices of their parents.

John Ronaldaph clearly stated that:

If my mother did not teach the Lord’s Prayer in my childhood, I might be the one who does not believe in the existence of God.

The same statement was true and correct in the life of Moses and Timothy. They were the people who got proper training/teaching at home from their early childhood. So parents’ great responsibility is to bring up the children by placing in their minds, admonition, the counsel, the instruction and correction.

Above all parents must make sure that to train up the child not simple in the way that every other child should go but in the way in which God wants him\her to grow up. The Bible rightly plays a simple role in Christian education because it is God’s instrument for promoting spiritual growth and fellowship with him. It is also through the scripture that children are taught, reproved, corrected, made wise into salvation and made mature (2 Tim. 3;16-17)

But today it seems that the Zou parents did not gain much spiritual values in family worship or Bible reading. It was boring and meaningless for some children. Usually father\ mother read long Bible passage and give long sermon or using this time for scolding and pint point out the fault of their children. Due to all these problems those who have regular family worship service children are not much better than those who had once a week. Here we shall briefly see how the home Bible teaching should be done suggested by John R. Rice:

1). In the family worship period at least one chapter of the Bible be read. It should be consecutive, chapter by chapter, through one book of the Bible, then through another, and then all, or nearly all, of the Bible to be read so through the years.

2). To make this worship period more effective in teaching the Bible to all, the parents should prepare a head of time by looking over the scripture to be used, giving thought of doubtful questions and looking up the necessary answer if he\ she does not knot know.

3). Call special attention to especially helpful verses, explaining some of them. Do not go into bore some detail, but arouse interest and satisfy it wills honest explanations as far as possible.

4). Suggest some verse to memorize.

5). Stop and apply the scripture occasionally to daily life, to gently rebuke a failure, to warn of temptation.

6). Stop and pray over failures and faults, which are bought to mind by the scriptures read the daily reading with such prayerful attention will prove very helpful in learning the word of God, and in applying the spirit of its teaching to the heart and daily life. But too long passages of reading the Bible can be boring for child. It is also good to read some of the devotional books like –Stream in the Desert by Mrs. Cowman, or Morning and Evening By – C. H. Spurgeon or Daily Bread and so on.

5.4. Instructing

The Greek word translated admonition means instruction. Paul used a beautiful illustration of parental instruction when he was talking to the Thessalonians’ Christians (1Thess. 2:11-12). Paul says, “For you know that we deal with each one of you as a father deal with his own children, encouraging, comforting, and urging you to live worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.” Paul demonstrated what fathers should do with each one of his children.

Parents are to encourage their children constantly. The children’s motivation to live a righteous and holy life comes from being example and instructing them. Parents should never hesitate to warn their children of sin and its devastating dangers and effects. They are to be instructed to live for God which is the only source of healthy happiness in this evil world. The teaching of the children begins with instruction. It may be instruction in the table manners, moral values and with regard to the spiritual welfare.

Parents are to instruct their children in building good work habits. Parents should assign certain easy duty to the child at home. A four year-old child can systematically empty all the waste baskets in the house. Six and seven year old can set the table and help with the dishes. As each new job is assigned, the necessary instruction should accompany it. But today the Zou parents neglect to give certain duties to their children. They are only meant for studies. That spoils the life of the child; and we found so many lazy youngsters in the Zou society. The whole day they were roaming, playing and full of leisure. Because of too much free time in the life of the youngster, they indulge in bad practices such as drug addiction, drinking, crime and so on.

As I have said that all the children are bound to study, there is no alternative. But some children/youngsters are not talented in study. They could hardly study up to class VII or IX. Since they don’t have any other alternative livelihood, they are engaged in robbing, drinking and even joining insurgency groups. Some young girls do not know how to cook, wash clothes and other domestic work. All these are the mistake made by parents to their children. Jewish Proverb says if a father does not teach his/her child how to work; he indirectly asks him/her to be a thief. Because of all these teaching they were the people who are high in economic status. Thelma Hatfield state concerning this is really challenging for every parents. He said:

Parents you must teach and train your children so they will like to work or at least when faced with a piece of hardwork be able to get in and do it without suffering oppression. You can rear them in Christian doctrine and culture and by God’s grace they will be born again; but if you do not train them to work they will never amount to anything for God or themselves or for you. A lazy Christian never did anything for God.

From the early years itself children should be taught to manage and certain responsibility themselves. Because one day they will come to a stage where they have to manage and take responsibility themselves.

4.5. Teach the Value of Culture

As like other tribals the Zou people have rich culture and tradition. They have unity, respect of elder, sharing, love and so on. They regard their culture and customs highly and observed strictly. But today with the advent of modernity and Christianity the life style of the Zou people have changed. Their old culture and customs become meaningless and funny for the youngster.

In the olden days, young people were taught songs, legends, myths, stories, dances and the art of work and so on. Every parents especially Christian regarded these are contradiction to Christian teaching, they even not allow their children to participate in cultural dances, and other social gathering. Because they regard that the Zou culture and customs are instruments of Satan. Today many children and youth did not know their origin, culture and even forgotten their own language. English songs and others tribal languages have replaced the Zou language and culture. It is really true the Zou popular cultural dance called ‘Sagual Phei Khai” was taken by one tribe and used as their own traditional dance. Even the ‘Zou puon’ (cultural cloth/shawl) was claimed by other as their own cloth. Some of the youngsters laugh at those who speak in Zou dialect, and who sing and think them as old fashioned and old timers unit for modern society. This was really true in the town area.

The other area which badly affect of the tradition and practices was that ‘Tawm ngaina’. It simply means that self giving or sacrifice for other without hoping any reward. In the olden days the Zou people practiced caring, sharing with the poor and widow. But today it slowly vanished. Instead those who are strong and clever eat up the share of the poor people. Due to all these problems some old fellows challenge the youngster especially Christians are without love and concern for others. It seems that the olden days of the Zou society was better than this age.

Moreover, in the olden days, the Zou live under strict rules and custom. The oldest son looked after the after, and could not do anything with consulting with their parents or relatives. But today this culture and custom has been dominated by individual freedom. Today so many old parents are without proper care of the eldest son and regarded as ignorant. Some live according to their own will leaving aside their customs. They do not regard their cultures and traditions. They also claim that they are modern people and the latter are old fashioned.

Thus, M. Horam in his lamenting tone writes: One can also find the beginning of the defiance of parental authority and rejection of their advice as old fashioned, but mostly among the modern homes impatiently dismissing their parents with the withering comments ‘you don’t know anything,’ ‘you are to old fashioned.’ These young people tend to blame all family discord on the generation gap; the results are unhappiness in the families.

Hence modernization has brought a big gap between old and new cultures. So the parents should think properly and teach the good values of their own cultures to their children. Until and unless the family preserves the Zou cultures and customs the Zou society will face lots of problems in future too. Because, most of the Zou social problems are due to the decline of their cultural values. So every parents should realize their faults and try to use the good and relevant cultures and customs of the Zou people; so that they can fill up the big mistakes and gap that has been changed by modernization.

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End Notes

Ronald W. Leigh, Quoted by Jonatsungba Amer., Biblical Principles of Christian Education Applied to Christian School in Nagaland (Jorhat: Assam Printing Works Pvt. Ltd. 1993), p.101 (Hereafter referred to as Jonatsungba Amer, Christian Education..)
Tim, Lahaye., The Spirit Controlled Family Living (New Jersey: Power Books, 1978), p. 55
Lovise Paw and Lydia., Family and Church Programs, p. 9
John R. Rice., Home (Madras: ELS, 1994), pp. 247-48
Mary Thomas., Family Life a Christian Perspective, op. cit., p. 59
Tim Lahaye., op. cit., p. 147
Dr. William Lyon Phelps., Quoted by John R. Rice., op. cit., p. 276
Samuel., Family, p.6
Ellen S. White., Happiness in Marriage (Poona: Oriental Watchman Publishing House, n.y.), p. 77
Daniel H. Smith., Quoted by Samuel, Family, op. cit., p. 97
Lalramzaua, Ralte., Kristian Chhungkua (Aizawl: Synod Publication Board, 1989), p.10
Wayne, Mack., The Marriage Relationship, p. 127
John R. Rice., op. cit., p. 82
Samuel., Family op. cit., p. 99
Gene A. Getz., op. cit. p. 92
Larry, Christenson., op. cit., p. 66
Thelma, Field. Quoted by Larry Christenson., Ibid., p. 67
M. Horam, quoted by Moarenla, op. cit., p.53.

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Introduction | Chapter 01 | Chapter 02 | Chapter 03 | Chapter 04 | Chapter 05
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CHAPTER THREE - BD Thesis | III. DIFFERENT STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT AND NEEDS

To give adequate and appropriate education or teaching to the child, we must know their different stages of development such as physical, mental and social and spiritual. We shall briefly study as follow:

3.1. 1-3 Years

3.1.1. Physical Development

The medical professions tell us that the first year of the infant life sees the greatest amount of growth in its body. Smiling starts within the first month and child seems to please and respond tour own smiles. In the second and third months, s/he may giggling to his/her smiling again to our great delight. Rolling can start as early as three or four months with energetic (and slim) babies, while with others it comes later. During this time parents or guardian should properly look after, otherwise the child can roll and fall down.

As the body grows, the senses are also developing. The first visual attraction for child is the light, but eventually the child begins to focus on various objects and will start following mother’s hand, if slowly move something colorful within his/her sight. Hearing also begins to function and develop within the first few days after birth. Sitting up start around the time the baby is six months old, but obviously the time varies from one baby to another. Parents should not force the child to sit up, rather must help the child to do slowly.

Crawling comes as the next stage in physical development and begins from around the age of eight months. In the first years of its life, the book muscles and backbone are stabilized and strengthen, to enable sitting, then crawling and finally standing. Some children may walk by their first birth day. The digestive system is able to assimilate solid foods and approximately half the adult height is attained. By the time a child is three years old, the child acquires ability to walk, run, jump, climb, stairs, in an erect posture, talk eat observation and imitation. Personality development is only through imitation, particularly their parents and adult who have close association with the child.

3.1.2. Mental development

Many parents think that during this age the child does not know anything. Horace Bushness says “half of the child’s behavior are formed during and early period.” Mental development is an aspect of personality. It begins right from the birth.

By the end of the first month, the child can recognize faces especially that of the mother whom s/he sees more than a dozen times a day while she is feeding, holding or changing his/her. By the age of one s/he is using his/her mouth activity not so much to cry as to bite and put things into it. The child can also discover physically, his/her head, mouth, hands, etc. Up to the years most of the children learn through senses. At this stage, the child is able to speak few vocabularies, simple songs, tunes, actions, and the response to those are observe. Imitation is an essential form of learning. The child copies how parents talk, dress up, walk, eat, work and every thing what they do. So John S. Mbiti, rightly comment that “… the parents are the greatest people in the world: the boy wants to be like his daddy, the girl like her mother, you are the centre of the world for them….”

During this stage their thinking has not yet fully developed. They are pre-conceptual in thought. But they can use simple words, and symbols. They also believe that everything is true. So parents or adults must not tell them lie. Parents can start giving Christian education to them. We must teach good words, like daddy, mummy, thank you, good night and so on. We can tell them Bible stories, chorus, Bible verses and so on. But parents must not tell them frightening things, like Satan, devil and other bad words because they can develop coward nature in future.

Parents should show their love and affection to their children. Too much criticism and over controlling will spoil the character of the child. He/she must have freedom to play and share to the parents. This will help their physical and mental growth.

Mrs Mary Downs says, Movement is, for the young child, an important factor is self discovery… movement also assist a child in achieving and maintaining their orientation in space an important factor in their development of concepts of time, space and direction. Children, who are not allowed to be active and move, do not develop confidence in themselves and hence do not learn.

So children should move freely in the home. Parents should always open to share with their children. This will lead the child to have god relationship with other people. As a whole, mental development includes such abilities as attending, perceiving, observing, remembering, imagining, thinking, solving problems and growth of intelligence as well as of language.

3.1.3. Social development

Social development means socialization or social interest in individual. it involves the development of a new type of behavior of change in interest and the choice of a new type of companies and friends. One becomes sociable through interaction in society. From society one learns cultures, customs, manners, language and morals, etc.

The behavior of the baby at birth in the first few months is called pre-social behavior. The baby does not distinguish people and object. Kart Buhlers experimental study affirms that during the first tow months baby came to learn/know loud noises, bright lights, and strong touch. However, the child does not differentiate between human voice and other noises.

In a few months, the baby is aware of his/her mother. The infant smiles in response to attention of adults and it recognizes. According to psychologists, from four months onwards baby stops crying when we talk to him/her. The child of six months can recognized and differentiated his/her mother and other fellow, and then preference is shown by wanting to be picked up only mother.

In one year baby reacts differently to smiling and showing negative responses to stronger. He/she attempts to imitate the speech of other like parents and other friends those who are around him/her. He/she can respond in simple words like no-no, yes-yes, mummy, aunty, uncle and so on. During this stage they are stubborn in order to demand adult’s attention. They are also selfish and self centered. So parents must teach the value of sharing with other people.

The social circle will widen as the child begins to walk and other children; as they play and fight with them. Parents should teach the child to grow up as a social being. Therefore, as early as possible the children will start to learn manner of eating, of conversation of receiving and giving things, of greeting people of sharing things, with other people, and acting of behaving in the presence of visitors, friends and relatives of the family.

The other primary needs of this age group will be to experience love, good manner in the home. At home that communicates love, and affection to the children, and care and concern is essential before a child can grow into our likeness when they become old.

3.1.4. Spiritual development

By virtue of being a human, the child has moral and spiritual dimension, which comes to the open gradually. Children are first imitating that which goes on around in home, like the posture of prayer, worship of God. At an early age parents can begin to disseminate religious knowledge to them, especially Bible stories.

Children will ask questions about where people come form or where they go when they die or who made Sun and moon, are religious nature. Children will ask these among his/her hundreds of other questions. Parents must give simple answer to all theses questions and related to the things s/he knows and to do his/her life. A child religious idea can be influenced by his/her experience in every life. The religious life of the home affects on child’s spiritual life because, most of the time children are confined at home with parents. Therefore, as parents we need to sow religious seeds in our child, possibly from childhood. But instead of mere teaching parents must show in their life and action.

John S. Mbiti, rightly saith that; This is done both through example and teaching, and your lives will be the greatest teacher of your religious life…. Your child will copy and imitate everything you do and say.

Today many parents of the Zou people do not think properly. Due to which many parents fail in their life.

3.2. 3-5 Years

3.2.1. Physical development

Rapid growth can be seen in this stage. The child can move without the help of parents. They used to go out to find a child in their neighbor’s house to play with other child. They are very active and cannot quiet for any length of time. This activity is necessary for physical development.

The first fullest of milk – teeth have appeared and make it possible to eat just about everything including guavas and green mangoes. When a child is about five years old, his/her height increases by about none inches from height which he/she have at the age of two years. During early childhood the weight of the child increases by about two kilos every year. But individual differences do occur: some children gain weight slightly and some do at rapid rate.

3.2.2. Mental development

The child’s vocabulary is growing rapidly. In general, girls have a greater verbal ability than boys. it is a time to send them to nursery school, and in Sunday School s/he can join beginner department.

At this age children are curious and critical to know everything. They can learn to follow a story read form a book and may want stories repeated so often that they actually can memorize the words. For them a chair can easily be turned into a horse. Fantasy and play are vital factors in the intellectual development and emotional growth of the child.

They fully trust in their parents. They try to copy life style of their parents, unity and uncle, etc. They also expect appreciation and reward. Parents should show their love and affection so that children may feel happy and secure. Parents must provide toys, games materials, etc. so that the child can play, develops his talents.

3.2.3. Social development

During infancy the young infant is very much dependent on his/her mother. But during early childhood the child tries to move from dependency to choose and action his own. His/her will is being formed and tested in relation to other people. If others in his/her environment give him/her the freedom and respect his /her needs, he/she is again a lasting sense of self-confidence and self worth. Herbert E. Hoefer says, “If the rights are protected along with the other in the family, he will learn the spirit of good will and co-operation.”

If on the other hand, s/he is made to feel ashamed of his/her first efforts to act and if s/he is made to doubt that s/he has a respect place in his/her family, the child will easily carry over into the rest of his/her life deep lack of a self-confidence and self worth. The child will be an angry, rebellious person, judging and rejecting others as s/he was judge and rejected.

The other important norms of social behavior during this period are negativism, quarrelling, puzzle, co-operation, sympathy and social approval. The child should develop attitudes of co-operation, sympathy and social approval. Parents and teacher should provide a god environmental for the children. Daily experiences and the various contacts that they made upon will certainly help in the development of their social dimension.

3.2.4. Spiritual development

Children of this age can join in family worship in an attitude of prayer, even if everything said is not understood. In this stage, a beginning should be made is family prayer. Sunday School and Child evangelism service should be paid attention. But they do not have enough idea about God. They understand God as life exactly their parents. So, parents and teachers should teach Bible stories, religious beliefs, praying, reciting the creed, giving arms, going to church and the daily implication and application of one’s religion. These will lead the child that religion is relevant and meaningful in all aspect of life.

Children pray in their own religious language. They are more natural and talk as if to a human being. They pray to God that their physical needs are, but the feeling about prayer is very strong and natural one. It is important to realize that the child of this age has not much develop a sense of right or wrong of judgment, or parents should not be loving and have a mind to accept them as they are unlovable the behavior may be.

3.2.5. Moral development

Parents should teach the child responsibility towards himself/herself – such as cleaning his/her teeth, doing homework, tidying up the room; towards his/her parents – love, obedience, respect, co-operation; towards society at large –friendliness, truthfulness, kindness, love, politeness and so on. We must help the child to develop a relationship with animal and things.

The child will start stealing and telling lies at home, even though for the child these acts will not mean anything bad. But this is an opportunity for parents to teach moral value of truthfulness and respect of other people’s property. This will become increasingly important when the child goes to school, so that s/he does not continue taking other children’s things. When s/he finds other property we should not allow to bring it home.

Ill treatment of other children or animals is a problem with a number of children. This is partly to assert their individuality, and partly as an outlet for some frustration, jealousy and hatred may lead to it.

Self control can be taught like the demand of having food just before we eat together, and table manner and so on. Other aspect like toilet habits will come later and gradually. If the child leaves stool in the sitting room, you are not going to teach his/her self control by beating up there and then. Instead the child should see you cleaning it and putting it away. Show the child where you yourself go to leave your stool, and the child will start copying you.

3.3. 6-8 Years

3.3.1. Physical development

Physical growth and development during later childhood is somewhat slower in comparison to early childhood. At the age of six the child enters school. That is why some child psychologists call this stage as the primary school child.

During this stage of later childhood, children develop and refine their sensory motor skills. That is why boys become interested in outdoor games. In stead of response we find a regular increase with age during later childhood. There is a similar increase in strength with age. They are very active, full of energy and constantly on the move. During this stage they are interested to take part in simple games, such as swimming, cycling, and jumping and so on. They sometimes neglect to eat food properly, because they are so immersed in their play. So some psychologists consider later childhood as the play period. Play is children’s way of life. Children will see play and playmates as if their life depended on it and perhaps it does. The power of play is extraordinary, and is an extremely serious matter. Piaget sees play as a part of the stages of intellectual development which children must pass through in developing from egocentric infants to adults with objective and rationalistic outlooks. Not allowing play can seriously hinder children’s growth.

It is very important that as parents you should play with your children, from the time they are babies onwards. This helps development and it brings you into a happy relationship with them. Do not just play for them, but with them and if possible let them show how to play as this give them a sense of accomplishment and pride. Parents must also create all kinds of games inside or outside the house, to keep your child busy and help them to keep entertainment. The child want to feel and be the centre of life in the household, and games and playing are one way of realizing this important development. Playing is an aid to all aspects of development, and you must give it much thought and time so that it can properly fulfill this function in your child’s life. When s/he goes to school a lot of problem with other children there, but you will have time after school and at weekends to play with him/her.

3.3.2. Mental development

During later childhood there is general development of mental ability. The child is able to grasp relationships with increase in age. Their curiosity is still in the ascent and children ask more questions, like why, when, who, what, etc. they also like to take things a part and see what makes them work. Arranging colorful objects like beads, blocks, and putting them in particularly sequences gives them pleasure. Reasoning power is increasing and many casual relationships are seen and understood.

Since the child can go to school, s/he has problems especially some subject much difficulties in learning. Parents must prepare the child psychologically beforehand, so that the child can develop a liking and longing for school. Regarding the subject matter parents and teachers should discuss and solve the problem. Let the home be always his/her place of refuge, encouragement, sympathy and love, and make him/her feel that schooling is in fact an extension of the things he/she has been doing and will continue to do at home.

Most experts in learning agree that these early childhood years are of prime importance for sensorimotor learning. All the senses must be brought into play in discovering and learning about the world. In fact it is this stimulation of all the senses that will be decisive for children’s ongoing learning and copying capabilities. Parents must surround them with opportunities, toys and manipulative materials which will contribute to the development of their sensory and perceptual development. According to Mary Evans Downs, “Children who do not have the opportunity to receive a variety of enriching experiences are handicapped in their later learning.”

3.3.3. Social Development

During later childhood the child is able to enter the adult world on account of greater physical maturity and learning communication skills. During this period they like to be independent and eat, dress and bath themselves.

As the child is already in the school, s/he comes in contact with other children. Hence s/he enjoys playing with more than two or three companions and trying to play in different games and activities. That is why, this period is known as the ‘gang age’.

K. Lovel have made certain generalizations of some of the social development of later childhood are as follow:

1. As the child increases in age s/he is able to establish stable personal relationships with others. He/she becomes less aggressive though sometimes s/he fights, verbal fight and aggression is more predominant than the physical fight at this stage.

2. When s/he goes to school s/he develops friendships with his/her peers and classmates. Though the parents are still important for the child s/he begins to develop social relationships outside his/her family circle. He/she also begins to trust his/her teachers and receives guidance from them.

3. During this stage children develop interest in team games involving competition and skill.

4. They are mostly subjective in their personal relations.

5. During later childhood, certain types of fears and anxieties also appear. These fears and anxieties are due to mysterious phenomena such as ghosts and corpses. These are the finding of Jerseld and his colleagues.

3.3.4. Spiritual development

The mental thinking in a person’s life started from this time onward. The brain cell is developed and the child can think and reason it. But their thinking is very limited not like adult. The child can calculate time, date, object, number and what was happening some few days back properly. The child can think religious ideas but to certain limits. Parents can teach them God as loving father. We must encourage the child to imitate great heroes in Bible story. The child is also interested to go to Sunday School and joining family worship service. We must give chance to participate in Sunday School and family worship service.

Parents should not teach doctrinal things and others highly theological themes; but rather used simple and clear words. The child also always thinks heaven and hell especially when some people are dying. Their minds are disturbed, so parents should tell clearly from this time onward. Moreover, children do not understand the meaning of sin. Parents or Sunday School teachers should not force to confess his/her sin and repent. The child can read the Bible so parents should give a Bible to the child so that s/he can read by himself/herself.

3.3. 9-11 Years

3.4.1. Physical development

This period is called Later Childhood. Children in this age are physically active, running, jumping, playing and so on. This is a period of comparative stability for children of both boys and girls. The problem becomes more complicated because al children do not grow at the same rate. Some children are small frothier age while others are too big. A child who is rather small for his age is treated like a baby by the elders. He/she will always remain dependent on other and also hesitant to accept responsibility in life.

The physical growth of girls grow more rapidly than boys up to early adolescence, so some girls will look don on a boy of her won age group as mere baby. Sometimes boy will show inferiority feeling by showing a spirit of difference towards girls of same age group.

They are very active in playing and doing things. They are also very careless; they just throw their box, bag and dresses. So parents must give small things to do and guide them for tidy and cleanliness. They also have comparative mind in their doing and playing. They also want to play the whole day, but we should make right time to play and also we should let them know how to take part in the society.

3.4.2. Mental Development

Mental thinking in a person life started properly. The brain cells also develop and s/he can think and reason properly. They can think object, number and calculate date and tell about fact. The child can differentiate but lots of imagination would control. Their sense of responsibility also begins to develop. Parents should give responsibility for carrying out duties in home. This will serve as introduction for training in citizenship.

The child develops strong intellectual curiosity and asks questions. Parents must help them to think logically and scientifically and find answer. The child has strong memories. It is a time of rapid increase in knowledge. They are also learning abstract idea such as justice, beauty and truth. Abstract thinking develops only fro this period.

The home and the school should provide a healthy environment where child can develop their intellectual capacity. In the process of solving problem and meeting difficulties, the child develops his/her power of thinking and reasoning.

3.4.3. Social development

Since the child is joining school, s/he comes to contact with other children. S/he enjoys playing with more than two or three companions. They have gang (group) and do things with others and loyalty to the group. According to Bhatia and others, towards the end of the period, i.e. 9-11 years, the child enters ‘young age with gang loyalties and friendship, rules and regulations and often comes in conflict with other gangs, parents and teachers. The manifestation of ‘gang age’ are the increasing interest in team game and group activities and eagerness to join group or gang and a pride in being looked upon as one of its members. A group consciousness, and unwillingness to play with numbers of the opposite sex and sort of secrecy are surroundings of all the gang activities. Since the gang influences the child, parents should look properly what type of people his/her child accompanies. If s/he joins bad gang, that will affect the life of the child into bad and worse, because they give highly regard of their peer group than parents authority.

In this age the child can distinguish between good and bad but this understanding depends on the explanation receive at home and in immediate environment. These are the years of productivity both in the world and in the home. If one has passed from basic sense a trust through all the stages fairly successfully, s/he will desire to pass on the nest generation what s/he has received. His/her joy will be to work for the betterment of the nest generation. But those who enter this stage without the proper personality foundation will strive only for themselves and will ever fear the next generation.

3.4.4. Spiritual development

At the beginning of this period, many questions are raised in religious matters. They are very critically observing the behavior of parents and others those who are older than him/her. They want to know the nature of human being and its relation with God. They also think why and how human re dying and life after death. They also want to know the nature of heaven and hell. So parents should clearly teach all those problems as simple as possible, so that their spiritual development can goes properly.

They are interested in reading Bible, books of adventures and biography of great men and so on. They also can get by heart and recite the Bible. So this is the time to start suitable Christian education to the child. We can also, teach salvation history and lead into salvation realm. Parents should introduce Christian literature in order to lay the foundation for their understanding of the true authority of the Scriptures. It expects that they meaning from a literal respect for the Bible towards a critical reverence. So that they may begin to see Scripture as true in a spiritual and not necessarily literal sense at all.

They are also hero worshippers. They are ready to follow the leader. It is the right time for emphasizing importance of Christian faith and worship in family. We have to give chance to participate in Sunday School and family worship. We should portray Jesus and other great missionaries the great leaders to follow in their spiritual life.
At Sunday School or home we can teach them through picture, flannel graph and so on. They are also interested in drama that will influence their spiritual life and so on. They also expect appreciation and admire from parents and Sunday School teachers. But today some parents treat their child like property or animals. That will make bad impact in future.

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End Notes

Vimala, Paulus., Introducing Christian Education (Bombay: CSI, 1993, reprint), p.63.
John S. Mbit., Love and Marriage in Africa (London: Longman Group LImite, 1973), p. 154.
Ibid., p. 154
Vimala, Paulus., op.cit., p. 63
Cited by P. Lianengi., Lalpa Hmangaih Kristian Chhungkua (Aizawl: Rev & Mrs. K. Siamliana, 1990), p.25.
John S. Mbiti., op. cit., p. 161
Mary Evans, Downs., Creative Foundation Starting a Nursery School (Bangalore: Cycloster Copy, 1989), p.5
Quoted by Chubangnen., “The Role of Christian Educationin Developing Child Personality” Unpublished BD Thesis, ETC, 1996, p. 7.
Ibid., p.10
B.D. Bhatai and R.N. Satya., Educational Psychology and Guidance (Delhi: Phanpati & Sons, n.y.) p. 46
John S. Mbiti., op.cit., p. 164
B.D. Bhatai & R. N. Satya., op. cit., p. 62
Ibid., p. 164
Vimala, Paulus., op.cit., p. 67
B.C. Rai., Educational Psychology (Lucknow: Prakashan Kendra, 1992), p. 239
Vimala Paulus., op. cit., p. 67
Herbert E. Hoefer., Teacher as Parent (Madras: CLS, 1976), p.121
Ibid., p. 121
Vimala Paulus., op. cit., p. 69
John S. Mbiti., op. cit., p. 167
Ibid., p. 167
B.C. Rai., op. cit., p. 248
Cited by Mary Downs., op. cit., p. 17
John S. Mbiti., op. cit., p. 157
Vimala Paulus., op. cit., p. 69
Mary Evans, Downs., op. cit., p. 13
Cited by B.C. Rai., op. cit., p. 251
P. Liangengi., op. cit., p. 251
Chubannen., op. cit., p. 14
B.D., Bhatai & R.N. Satya., op. cit., p.65
Chubangnen., op. cit., p. 9
B.D., Bhatai & R.N. Satya., op. cit., p. 65
Herbert E. Hoefer.,op. cit., op. cit.,p. 27
Ronald, Golman., Readiness For Religion: A Basic For Development Religious Education (London: Routledge and Kegan Paul n. y.), p. 147.

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Introduction | Chapter 01 | Chapter 02 | Chapter 03 | Chapter 04 | Chapter 05
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CHAPTER TWO | II. THE ROLE AND RESPONSIBILITY OF PARENTS TOWARD CHILDREN

2.1. Responsible Parenthood

As soon as the excitement of the marriage days are over, the couples are awaiting for another excited and joyous occasion in life and through which they become parents. God’s most precious and valuable gift to a married couple is that God brings the children into the home as a means of God’s blessing. The Bible clearly stated that, children are a heritage from God (Psalms 127:3); and they are to be brought up in the instruction of the Lord (Deut 6; Eph 6; Prov 22:6). God could bring children into the World in an entirely different fashion. He could have caused them to be fully grown and develop into a mature state within few weeks like animal. But usually it takes time for a child to be mature and manageable. This is God – intended because parents have a great responsibility to the progressive promotion of the children’s personality.

The word responsibility implies that it is a Christian doctrine, as Farley named it. This phrase responsible parenthood approximates most closely to the Christian concept of parenthood. It includes all that is good in family planning in Planned Parenthood. It s concept is well defined by John W. Saliq when he said that, “it may be defined as the responsibility of the spouse, of parents to their children, of parents to other families and to society and above all, the responsibility of parents to God.”

The E.A.C.C. Consultation held at Bangkok on Responsible Parenthood confirmed that, “We are concerned for the welfare of families, better provided for, better nurture, better diesoline, and train for our increasingly complex society.” Our primary concern is about the quality of family life rather than quantity.

According to a scholar, Gleun Clark, “Every child comes into the world with sealed order. Therefore, parents are the ones who unseal orders and discover what it is that God means him to be and to do.” The Bible also says, “Train up the child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

The responsibility of parents toward their children seems to be overwhelming, over burden, but through the process of helping nurturing, training and disciplining parents are bringing them up in the society where they could live with the status and dignity. Marcheta Thein said that,

Parenting children is indeed a God-given task for parents to prove themselves responsible to the beautiful world that God has given mankind. Many parents are not aware of the brevity of the period of parenting children. Before the parents realize it, the children outgrow the stage when they form their ideas about the world, people and life at large. So very often just when parents sense the problems parenthood and willing to do something, they found out that it is too late.”
So, early childhood is the proper time to achieve self-esteem. When the cement of my personality is still soft and impressionable if I do not achieve it at the time, if instead of self love – self hatred is imprinted on the cement of my psyche, then once that cement hardens it is extremely difficult to change what has been written.

There is one fine Christian couple gave a testimony of how they began parenting their children at the moment they were united in love and in the act of sexual intercourse. She put her hand into his and they prayed that should their oneness bring a life into their home, that God would bless them and give them, the parents, the wisdom to bring him up. So we can see that parenting begins from the mother womb. Parents must also start prayer for the child while s/he was in her mother’s womb.

Children are the vivid and visible manifestation of the plans and purpose of marriage. So parents should provide the adequate physical needs such as food, shelter, clothing, education and impact them a sense of security or a feeling of trust. This security allows them the freedom for growth and develops without excessive negative feeling of anxiety, worry, and fear. They must also give emotional and spiritual needs so that, they can grow properly both physically and spiritually.

The greatest influence in the lives of children must be their parents. For example, in the Old Testament, Moses even after spending almost 40 years, in a castle which takes away all the attention to the living and true God, he is ready to serve the Lord.

God of Israel primarily due to the influence of his parents on his during his early childhood. The Lord Jesus was another example in the New Testament. It is read that “Jesus increased in wisdom and stature and in favour with God and man (Lk 2:52). It was not because He was God but of His pious and devoted parents Joseph and Mary. The same pattern was also seen in the life of Timothy too.

But today many parents encounter problems with regard to child rearing mainly due to lack of practical guidance and direction in disciplining the children according to the Word of God. Probably all the aspects of child – rearing are not being explained in the Bible. But the basic principle are laid down in the Scripture is a big boost in children’s training. Paul in Ephesians and Colossians letters instruct fathers regarding child discipline. The comprehensive summary of parents’ duty toward children is found in a single sentence. “Do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph 6:4).

2.1.1. Do not provoke the children

This is one of the most important and popular statement in connection with the parental relationship to the children. In Greek it is imperative tense (pararnizete), which means a command, a command in order to be obeyed. Even though the command is directly addressed to the fathers, it is indirectly to the mothers as well.

Adams says on this: When Paul speaks to the fathers he is speaking to the mothers. The reason that he addresses the fathers is that what the mother do, the father, he is addressing the one in whom god has vested his authority for discipline. The father is the heard of the home. The father is the one who ultimately must answer to God for what happens in the home.

Provoking does not mean that parents should not do anything that would upset or annoy the children. It does not mean that parents withhold from them something that they desperately needed. It rather means that parents should not treat them in a way that their passions are unnecessarily aroused.

The Amplified Bible translation gives the meaning of the word ‘provoking’ more clearly. “Father, do not irritate and provoke your children to angry, do not exasperate them to resentment.” The cross passage in Col. 3:21 is much more clearer. The New American Standard Bible translates the same word as “Father do not exasperate your children that they may not lose heart.” In short what it means, do not raise the children in such a way that they become utterly frustrated, bitter, hostile, disappointed, distressed, fearful, frightened, rebellious, and resentment. It is clearly means that parents should not handle them in such a way that they will be promoted to live a wrathful kind of living and become angry young men and women who always keeps a grudge against their parents. Many parents are not aware of the various ways through which they provoke their children.

2.1.2. Do not abuse physically

Since the Christian family is divinely instituted and parents are commanded to train their children in love, good life, so there is no place for a brutal attack or physical torturing in a Christian family. But some parents always scold, punish and treat their children worse than animals. Due to all these problems children will grow in bad and worse in their life.

Juvenile studies reveal that the high rate of hostility that emanates from the teenagers is a result of parents lack of love for the children. Certain parents are more cruel and carnal who deny the food to the children and put them in an enclosed room for their wrong doings. They thought that they are disciplining their children, and hope that the children will stop of his/her wrong doing. This kind of illegal and injurious treatment on the children from the parents is inhuman and sinful. Paul’s warning, not to provoke the children, have a direct connotation to the physical assault.

Since this is the time the children develops a negative attitude toward life as a whole and it will further create lasting effect and soon they become rebellious characters. When this kind of inhuman and unchristian discipline happens continuously without love, children will create a vengeful atmosphere at home. Vinoji, Samuel comments that, “the physical torture in no way helps the child, rather destroy his/her growth as a healthy citizen in the society.”

2.1.3. Do not abuse psychologically.

Some parents know physical abuse will damage on child’s future life. But they use stingy words, criticism and hurt their children. Parents destroyed psychologically their children, when they humiliates and put them down and undermines their talents and taste. This kind of psychological set back is often more complex and problematic than the physical punishment. The struggle of a strike may last long as it pains, but a mental humiliation always a picture of it in the child’s innocent mind. In may cases, this kind of psychological abuse leads to more bitterness,, discouragement and depression in children. It has got far more lethal and long range effect in its negative effects.

Parents must praise and encourage their children; so that they can develop their potential and ability in a proper way. But today, the Zou parents often give negative comments such as fool, hopeless, bad boy/girl and so on. Such kinds of hurt words would destroy children growth and they can become meaningless in their life. So psychological abuse will create more harm in children life.

2.1.4. Do not neglect the children

The Bible clearly say that children are heritage from God (Ps. 127:3); and they are to be brought up in the instruction of the Lord (Deut 5; Eph 6:4; Prov 22:6). Jesus warns not to take children lightly (Matt 18:6). Our responsibility as parents is a serious matter. As Christian parents our greatest task is not collect wealth, build mansions or even give them the best education; but to teach them to love the Lord and walk in his ways.

But today most of the parents make a mistake and consider children as secondary citizens and less importance. Children were being neglected many ways in family, church and society. Children are less considered by their parents and spent less time with them. Especially employed parents have less time to care for their children. Parents who are church workers/pastors have become hostile and horrible toward their parents because they have been neglected and treated not other children. Because of these problems today we see that church leaders’ children are not better than lay people.

Thus, it is good if preachers practice what s/he preached. One pastor sadly says that, “I can become good pastor for my people, but I cannot become good pastor in my family.” This is true to every one. Due to such problem our family member especially children could not belief and trust in their parents.

Some parents want their children to attend church and learn like the experience. Yet they will carelessly make unfavorable remarks within the children’s hearing, about the pastor, or the choir, or the deacons or even the programs. They must provide an atmosphere that will be conducive to the growth and development they desire for their children.

Parents must also be a good listeners to the children. They may want to share silly and simple things; so parents must listen properly, so that they can have good communication. It is sad to say that many parents of the Zou people do not give an opportunity for their children to pour out what they have in their hearts; their joy; their grief; their plans for future. Such kind of act does not fit in with the Christian concept of fellowship and loving concern. Moreover, it is common that the children who do not have proper care or attention will simply roam here and there to search security and love. So the home environment should be appropriate for child development both for spiritual and emotional. Parents should show their love to their children by action as well as word or verbal and non-verbal so that they will know parents’ great deep love for them. Without parental love, the child develops a sense of not being accepted, appreciated, loved or lacks a sense of personal worth. Children who do not receive enough parental love or attention in their childhood often suffer mental illness and personality maladjustment in adulthood. So parents need to find more time to spend with their children and let them feel that they are loved and cored. Such kind of good attitude will help the total development of the child.

2.1.5. Do not expect beyond the border

As a beloved parents everybody want their children to be god and excellent in every corner of their life. Since we are living in a scientific age or computer world, everybody wants their children to be good in study. But we must know the four aspects of human being such as: physical, social, mental and spiritual. These are interdependent, and all four aspects need careful nurture for a well-balanced life. We must also know that everybody has not equal and similar talents or ability.

Parents must know their children’s talent and ability for his/her future. So every children must be directed according to hi/her talent and ambition. Vinoji Samuel had met a fifteen years old boy who fled away from home.

Put in his own words: My mother in my childhood had a habit of waking me up even in the midnight and asking me to study. She used to say often, ‘I have one son and daughter. She wants both of us to become doctors. But I know that I cannot become a doctor. When I get less marks in school, she often scold and curse me. I actually hate my mom.

From this very statement we can know that simply high ambition without proper guidance is useless. We must allow our children to select their own way by instructing its advantages and disadvantages. It is unwise to expect the same from every child and meet the age needs that were unmet when they were children. Psychologists deal it the ‘super kid movement’ with parents, desperately trying to push their children towards achieving excellence. What thy do not understand is the fact that no good can come of trying to build too much, too soon.

Some of the common mistake of the Zou parents was that they compare their children and others who are brilliant in study. They also expect their children would be so officer; if not s/he must be farmer or sepoy. They don’t train for carpentry, masonry, cobbler, etc. since all children are not success in their study they don’t have alternative or some what easy job. So they just start cultivating after ten or more than ten years of studies. I personally advised some parents to know his/her child talents. So parents must know all development and growth of their children and guide spiritually and physically.

2.2. The Child and Environment

The home environment has a part in building the life of child. His/her parents, brothers and sisters, grand parents or other relatives are part of his/her environment, their behavior, their words, their needs, their interaction with one another all make up the atmosphere in which the child is growing. And which has an influence on his/her growth: mental, emotional and spiritual. Parenting means helping to create an atmosphere that will be healthy one in which the child may grow. So Dorothy Law Notte pointed out children learn what they live as follows;

If a child lives with criticism he/she learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility s/he learns to fight.
If a child lives with fear s/he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with pity s/he learns to feel sorry for himself or herself.
If a child lives with ridicule s/he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with jealousy s/he learns what envy is.
If a child lives with shame s/he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with encouragement s/he learns to feel confident.
If a child lives with tolerance s/he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with praise s/he learns to be appreciative.
If a child lives with acceptance s/he learns to love.
If a child lives with approval s/he learns to like himself/herself.
If a child lives with recognition s/he learns that it is good to have a goal.
If a child lives with sharing s/he learns about generosity.
If a child lives with security s/he learns to have faith in himself/herself and those about him.
If a child lives with friendliness s/he learns that the world is a nice place to live.
If a child lives with security s/he will live peace of mind.
If a child live with honesty and fairness s/he learns what truth and justice are with what is your child living…?

So what Dorothy Law Notte says are true and correct in regards to child learning process. So every parents must find out their mistakes throughout these statement; and correct himself/herself from their fault.

Children also learn by imitation/observation from their parents. “Expect your child be as you are children do not primarily learn by being told, but by observation” (Walter A. Herrichsen).

More than words, our behavior and others non-verbal messages will influence our children. The writer personally knows what that one baby about two years old can imitate how her mother eats sadah/khaini. The very mother told me that her baby was clever and wise. But I consider that was a wrong pattern shown the mother to her child. This how attitude, values, morale and habits get passed on; particularly true in spiritual matters; ideas of what God is shaped by the parents own, “a parents must strive to be what s/he wants his/her child to become” (Mrs. Ruth Peale).

So what parents do and what they think often influence the children behaviors and judgment. For example, when parents respect one another, and their offspring children tend to respect their parents and each other or if the parents do not eat certain kinds of foods the children will likely not eat either. John Balgug says, “whatever parents gives his children good instruction, and sets at the same time a bad example, may be consider as bringing them food in one hand, and poison in the other.” Thus, parents should strive to give good instruction as well as sets a good example for their children.

Children must also be taught courtesy at home. Courtesy begins for children in ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ s/he must be taught how to pray to God, good manners, obey parents and ask forgiveness for wrong doing. Every parents should remember that characters must be build in the home, day by day, and little by little.

As Christian parents, try to create in the home itself proper contacts for the development of your child a strong selfhood, useful and free. The most vigorous job in the world is being a parent. You have a life on your hands, a growing changing, and unfolding life. The greatest challenge that life can give is yours; with God’s help meet it (Hazen G. Werner, Wise Parental Love).

2.3. Discipline Out Of Love

Child psychologists say the most critical problem of childhood is discipline. The goal of discipline is self-discipline, or to use the biblical term to be holy, ‘perfect’. In more practical terms, it means learning to become a responsible person.

Since the home is the best school for the training and disciplining the child, Paul therefore, encourages parents to discipline the children with wisdom and care (Col 3:21). They are to be disciplined in the best way because “positive discipline becomes a method of guiding the growth of the child in the way of achieving a mature, independent personality… which includes firm, consistent, and kind action.”

Parents must also learn from God how to discipline their children. God disciplines are out of His love. Hebrews 12:2, 10, say “…. the Lord disciplines those He loves, and punishes everyone. He accepts as a son… God disciplines us four good, that we may share in His holiness.” We too must discipline our children with love.

Parents will never have a proper perspective of discipline unless they accept the rod as God’s appointed way of discipline. Proverbs 23:13-14 says “Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die, you shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his soul from hell.” It is the choice of God’s own wisdom and his fatherly love. When parents themselves are shrinking the responsibility which God gave him they are going out of God’s way.

Most parents make the mistake of using spanking as ‘last resort.’ God did not intend the spanking to be the last line of defense for embattled parents. It is the first action to which parents takes to correct children’s disobedience to the obedience of God. It is the positive correctives means appointed by God to deliver and protect a child from the clutches of his own willfulness (Prov 29: 15-17).

A child when s/he is disciplined with rod s/he no more needs spanking. S/he will be happy, secure and safe under his/her parents divine authority and living in accordance with God’s divine order. But in discipline we must start early, be consistent, be timely, be reasonable; and always affirm our love and reason for discipline afterwards. Most important for the child is self worth.

But discipline of children is painful and unpleasant for some parents. Parents should have an eye not at the present but at the future what the children about the immediate context of discipline are relatively unimportant. What the children think about 15-20 years is more important. Billy Graham rightly comments that “the results of one survey indicated the 75% of the teenagers interviewed would welcome more discipline, that they wanted more discipline.”

A Chinese proverb says “Strict teachers produces good pupil; the cane makes children obedient. Parents believe that they should strike their children since they themselves had been struck by their parents. Guangming Ribao said, that parents did not know enough about proper child-rearing, and cited a teacher as saying: “Blows seriously reduce children’s self confidence, lead to bad habits like lying, and can make children weak, cowardly, and indecisive.” (D.P.A.- Beijing).

We must know that the aim of discipline is not to punish the child to observe certain rules in disciplining children. They are as follows: a. Do not loose your temper b. get all the facts, give the child to an opportunity to explain his/her actions c. Be consistent, otherwise, children will be confused when their parents say, “no” today and “yes” tomorrow d. select the most appropriate form of discipline when a rule has been broken e. Avoid reprimanding in public; do it private f. Be fair-parents needs to explain discipline fairly to all of their children g. discipline should be constructive. All forms of discipline must be based on the foundation of love.

Discipline must not exceed the seriousness of the office; otherwise it creates the feeling in the child that you do not love him/her. Do not use discipline as a way of letting out of frustrations or anger caused by some one or something else. This is the great temptation for teachers in school where the beating of children is still practiced, sometimes very indiscriminately.

Forgiveness is another dimension of discipline. Teach the children to apologize, to repent, to mind what s/he has done wrong, seek and receive your forgiveness. This gives both of you the opportunity to renew your relationship, and gives the child the feeling that you are not irrational or beastly, but that you care for him/her and love him/her.

As discussed above parental discipline should be based on love. But sometimes, parents punish their children and surround child with so many warnings that make frustrated about what to do and what not to do. But parents should also co-operate in disciplining children, so that the child will not be frustrated by being shown or told one thing by his mother and different thing by his father.

But today among the Zou parents, the Biblical direction of disciplining of children is not much aware and practiced. Children are beaten and punished, when s/he did mistake; some parents just uses his/her hand instead of stick. Some parents even kick and spank the important places like face, head and so on. So they need to learn more things in regard to disciplining children. In regard to co-operation in disciplining children if the father or mother side the child she/he will never stop his/her wrong doing. Parents must co-operate and children should know that his/her parents stand in one idea. This is very important for every parents.

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End Notes

Robert, Smith., Why God Gave Children Parents, Peterson (Ed.) Marriage Affair, p. 127.
Quoted by Renphamo E.N, Lotha., Christian Attitude Towards the Concept of Responsible Parenthood With Special Reference to theLotha in Nagaland: An Ethical Evaluation, “Unpublished B.D. Thesis, UTC, 1979, p.6
John W. Sadeq., Family in the Purpose of God: A Miscellany of Essays Relating to Planned Parenthood in India Settings, (Nagpur: The National Christian Council and the Christian Medical Association of India, n.d.), p.34.
The Asian Churches and Responsible Parenthood (Bangkok: E.A.C.C. Consultation, 1964), p. 2.
Quoted by Larry, Christenson., The Christian Family (Minneapolis: Bethany Fellowship, 1970), p.64
Proverbs 22:6
Louise Paw, and Lydia., Family and Church Programs, p.40
Quoted by David, Aye, “Psychological Approach to the Your Problems in Reference to Sumi Youth’s in Nagaland” Unpublished B.D. Thesis, ETC, 1996.
Louise Paw, and Lydia, Family and Church Programs, p. 51.
Vinoji, Samuel., Family, p.86
Gene A. Getz., The Measure of Family (California: G/L Publishers, 1967), p.84
Ephesians 6:4
Jay, Adam., Christian Living in the Home, p.84
Wayne, Mack., The Marriage Relationship, p. 122
Cited by Samuel., Family, p.88
Tim, Lahye., op. cit., p. 139
Gene, A. Getz., op. cit. p. 86
Samuel., Family, p.90
Ibid., p.91
Gene A. Getz., loc. cit., p.66
The Christian Home, op. cit., p. 3
Louise Paw, and Lydia., Family and Church Programs, p. 43
Samuel., Family., p. 94
Gene A. Getz., op.cit., p. 88
The Eastern Clarion, (Jorhat), March 27, 1996, p.4.
Quoted by Grace, Ngaihvung., Introduction to Christian Education (Class note), Grace Bible College, Churachandpur, n. y. p.8.
The Christian Home., op. cit., p. 6
Ibid., p. 6.
New Women, op. cit., p.7
Ibid., p. 7
Hanlu H. Barnette., Introduction to Christian Ethics (Nashville: Broadman Press, n.y.) p. 124.
Samuel., Family., p. 103
Ibid., p. 104
Decision., p. 9
Eastern Clarion, op. cit., p.3
New Women., p. 7
John S. Mbiti., Love and Marriage in Africa, (London: Longman Group Limited, 1974), p.181

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