Monday, April 13, 2009

Chapter 1 | The Role and Responsibility of Parents in Teaching Christian Truth to Children at Home

CHAPTER ONE

I. CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE AND FAMILY

1.1. The Christian Marriage

Marriage was the first institution which God established, even before the government and the church. In Gen 2:18, God performed the first marriage ceremony in the Garden of Eden. So marriage was not an accident or ideas of man but it was the plan of God. As the preface to the 1662 Marriage Service says, it was institution by God himself in the time of human’s innocence, ordered and beautified by Christ’s presence in the wedding at Cana which also symbolizes the mystical union between Christ and church. It is the creation ordinance, preceding the fall; it is to be regarded as God’s gracious gift to all humankind. In this way God has shaped, endorsed and enabled marriage where the specific component, it determines in various ways the totality of human nature.

Marriage is also an important means to establish and experience an intimate relationship between the opposite sexes. It provides the means by which a man and woman can help each other in the fullest sense of the term. It is an important means of creating companionship and establishing a home as well as meeting moral and sexual needs. When God created humankind, he created them male and female; so from the very beginning the union of the two opposite sexes is seen (Gen 1:26-28). E. Arnold rightly said, “Marriage is a union of two… through their agreement two become one and no longer two but one.”

Man and woman are complementary in their bodies and their psychology. They are made for each other, each one discovers his/her true self in relationship to the other.

John Paul II, speaks of the ‘nuptial’ body of man and woman, in order to emphasize that the body of one is made to be united to one another. Man and woman, in the mystery of creation, are a mutual gift. They were mutually conscious of the nuptial meaning of their bodies, in which the freedom of the gift is expressed and all the interior riches of the person as subjects are manifested.

Therefore, Christians affirms that marriage is divine institution and as such it is honorable and it has dignity (Heb 13:4). Marriage is the means through which one enters into a family. Apart from marriage, there is no family. Man and woman by himself/herself is incomplete unless s/he has a married partner.

1.2. Marriage is Permanent

This seems to be vague and funny concept to the modern, especially western, where life-long commitment in marriage seems to be impossible. For example, in 1940, there was one divorce out of six marriages in America; but in 1960 the number increased to one in every four. Thus, marriage has become a battle of 50-50 chance in modern day. There are even many more couples who wish to disconnect the marital vow, remains being plagued by marital unhappiness and dullness.

Today divorce has caused unbelievable havoc in the church as well as in the society. This affects the spouses instead of helping them. As Garland noted, “ Many couples who are going through the divorce finds it more painful than the death of a partner.”

The negative result which divorce carries on children is unthinkable. Recent studies indicate that the burden children bear may outweigh than that of the divorced spouses.

A. Everett comments on this:

There is little question that the children in divorcing families carry the greatest vulnerability and often sustains the greatest pain and anguish during and after the divorce process. In fact, it is the adjustment crises that the children of divorce experience which may linger well into adulthood. Disillusion, anger and fear may shape their own adulthood selection process as well as the parenting and interactional patterns of the next generation.

In Malachi 2:16, God says, “I hate divorce.” Jesus also addressing the unbelievable Pharisees, “Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate (Matt 19:6). Apostle Paul expresses the same idea in I Cor 7:39; Rom 7:1-3. These two passages are strong enough to point out the permanency and bond of marriage between two people. So marriage is a life long link between two persons and that relationship should be never broken as long as both partners are alive.

1.3. Marriage Is a New Relationship

When God performed the first marriage ceremony, He said, “Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and they become one flesh (Gen 2:24).” Here the emphasis is upon two verbs ‘leave’ and ‘cleave.’ Leaving is one of the basic teachings of the Bible that will eventually lead to the formation of a nuclear family. This words means ‘forsake’ one relationship in order to establish another.

“Leaving” in every sense must be followed strictly for the cleaving together of husband and wife. One of the main reasons for the break up of today’s marriage is that many leave home physically, but remain there psychologically. Leaving does not mean that relationship is ended; rather it means a new relationship started.

The word “cleave” means to hold on to and not let go. This “cleaveness” describes the permanence, holiness and living union of marriage. The “cleaveness” also implies that in biblical marriage a man and a woman make a life long commitment to each other.

The expression found in the creation story is that: marriage is not simply a contract or partnership, but it is an entering into a relationship or real unity of body and spirit, which the Scripture gives the name “one flesh.” Marriage is a total person for the total life.

It is the most strong, close and intimate form of relationship one can have on this earth. For this reason Apostle Paul took marriage as an analogy which represents a great bond between Christ and His Church. There is nothing s meaningful like two distinct personalities living together enjoying all the variations of life, ecstasy, excitement, pain and pleasure.

This relationship is most important in a family next to God; one’s spouse should come before any one or anything else. Even children (no matter how important) do not hold a marriage together. The home atmosphere, security and well being of the children, will depend largely on the husband –wife relationship. So, home atmosphere is the most important factor in an individual’s personality development.

1.4. The Husband/Wife Relationship Must Be Strong And Healthy

In consider raising children, the marital relationship remains without question the most important bond in a family. When children become problematic, many psychologists will trace the root cause to conflict in the husband/wife relationship. The lost of husband and wife relationship will automatically affects the life of children physically, psychologically and even treated children security. And these are expressed most often not verbally, but in their behavior such as disobedience, lost of interest in studies, picking up bad habits, etc.

Some of the physical affects are stomachache, laziness, etc. for no apparent reasons. This is so because the greats need of children particularly 12 years and below is their parents’ love. They need to know that mummy and daddy are loving one another. Incidentally, psychologists say that one of the big fears of children, 12 years and below, is the fear of parents dying and divorce. So when parents are not in harmony, insecurity, fear, and guilt set in the child’s mind, resulting in behavioral problems. The effect of the husband and wife relationship is for a life time on the child. This impact cannot be wiped out working on a building a strong relationship with our spouses will make raising children on easier and enjoyable experience.

1.5. Agape Love Or Unconditional Love

The most important element in the happy Christian home is love. The word ‘Agape’ is selfless love with which God loves the sinner. The nature of agape is that of love that is directed towards and objects or person who does not deserve it. God’s love for man includes agape love and forgiveness.
It is the presence of agape in marriage relationship which makes it possible for Paul to compare husband and wife relationship to that between Christ and the church (Eph 5:25).

Christ’s love for the church is not an easy pattern to be followed, but it remains as the best example in which husband/wife relationship is built upon. It is so pitiful that many of the couples do not know what Christ’s sacrifice means to them. While Jesus was on Earth; He expressed His love through all that He did. His words and acts were the proof of his love. He did not keep His love to Himself; but rather communicated it to His followers and disciples.

Victor Tobing rightly said,

Love is to be expressed and to be communicated. Love is like a living water flowing out of the heart of the lover to all around him. Husband/wife must be willing to give up his/her self completely for the sake of the beloved in order that he/she may fulfill the required responsibilities. This may need limiting desires, ambitions, and entertainment etc.

Although, I Cor 13, is not dealing with marital relationship, it can be effectively applied to husband/wife relationship. The unconditional love is the foundation of all love relationships. It is not dependent on such things as spouse’s performance, age, looks mistakes, etc. this agape love says, “I love my wife/husband no matter what.” Unconditional love is an ideal and can never attain it 100 percent. But the closer we get to it, the more perfect we made by him who changes us. And the more satisfied we will be of each other.
How can I convey this kind of love in reality? What are some ways?

a. Self - acceptance and adopting each other as you are, no one is perfect.
b. Mutual self – esteem, respect his/her as a person of dignity. Criticism is important, but not to hurt or insult his/her deeply. Remember, we have fragile egos.
c. Recognize husband’s/wives true worth. Build up other’s self-esteem. Dwelling more on the positive than the negative; giving positive feed back, etc. we must also appreciate each other.
d. Forgiving specially when s/he is wrong and you are right. Treat problems when they’re small. Don’t pile up resentment, it will burst some day.

1.2. Christian Family

The word ‘Family’ has been taken over from the Roman ‘famulus’ which means ‘a servant.’ The Law of Roman word denoted the group of producers and slaves and other servants as members connected by descend or by marriage.

Family is a living system in which its member functions in an organized pattern. It is a unique social unit in any given society, both ancient and modern. Family is the result of marriage which is divinely instituted. It is one of the aims and results of marriage. It is also eldest among the institution; and the first centre of all human activities.

According to scholars like Burges and Locke:

Family is a group of persons united by the ties of marriage, blood or adoption, constituting a single household, interacting and inter-communication with each other in their respective social roles of husband an wife, mother and father, son and daughter, brother and sister creating a common culture.

Many sociologists and social scientists may give a number of definitions for family, but since all the families are not Christians. Some definition may not be relevant for a Christian family.

A Christian is more than a natural family. Leen Smith says:

Christian family is composed of individuals who are growing and responding in faith and love, for God in Jesus Christ, who are known as Christians and are in integral part of the church, whose relationship express God’s unconditional love, living by God’s will and sharing a sense of mission, creating and sustaining a Christian culture and spirit.

The purpose of Christian family is to glorify God through its life and deeds. It is the place whose children grow best in an atmosphere of security and affection and that marital attributes can never be substituted for true love.

Hence, love is caring, sharing, giving and is only within the family relationship and experience that family life so abundantly and together develop into mature persons.

The Christian family is the backbone of the nation, it is an institution where the members are bound together by a Christian love, where children are welcomed and instructed with the Scripture teaching. It is the place where Jesus is not the supposed head of the home, but the actual head, where parents and children gather daily for family worship and committed to serve him. The commitment of Jesus to serve the Lord, “…. as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord (Josh 24:15),” becomes the theme of commitment of Christian family.

Since every human being belongs to a family and only through such relationship one finds the growth and fulfillment as individual person. It is also forms the basic structure to which society has given the responsibility of socializing the future citizen.

To build a good society depends on a good Christian family. If the family is good, it contributes good things to the society. The family is the cradle of future society and the family environment is the major influence determining the quality of the next generation.

Thus, Mary Thomas rightly says: The family is important because it shapes us more than any other force. It determines the kind of people tomorrow’s citizen will be…. Family has been and will be the most powerful influence in the development of people’s personality and character. And the personality and character of people, after all, determine what tomorrow will be.

1.3. Christian Home

A home is the smallest socio-political unit; like-wise, a Christian home is the smallest as well as primary Christian institution. The home according to Rev. Era Maria, is not simply a house which is built from stones or mud. But a Christian home is constructed with the love of Christ and the faith of its members. The home is the place where the members of the family find complete rest both physically, mentally, and spiritually. Marie-Mignan affirms that, “home which is not just a place where we live but a place where we are understood.”

The home which is built by human knowledge or without knowing God’s will easily fall down or drop into it and may be lost when temptation and trials come. Therefore, the Bible clearly affirms that unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labour in vain (Psalm 127:1). Billy Graham says, “Make the Lord Christ the foundation of your home. No home today can stand unless the family in that home has a strong faith in Jesus Christ.” Today we see many big concrete building which is constructed with corruption and gambling. Since Christ has no place the owner of the house face problems and disharmony, and even their children were drug addict and so on. So the Christian home is more important.

A home must be more than a shelter from rain and protection from storm; it must be a centre of religious life. No parents can effectively teach religion to a child unless s/he possesses in his/her own spirit and practices it in daily living. Home should be the focal point for the children’s spiritual development. Parents should fill their children’s minds with the Scripture at home. Children should be taught to read the Bible regularly. Help your children to understand that the word of God is food for the soul as bread is food for the body. Begin as early as possible to teach your children to honour and fear God.

It is the home that social nurture begins and children learn the first lesson of social living. It has also been the greatest school of discipline, where children learn the lessons of all aspects of life. It is also the place where parents too learn the meaning of duty and obligation, readiness to abandon their selfishness for the sake of one another and for the sake of the children. According to Tuis Shisak,

The Christian home is where the parents educate their children for developing, into a whole person by meeting their needs physically, spiritually and mentally to become a whole human.

A God-centred family is the first and the best school. The Christians parents train and give instruction to the children in a way that God wants them to do. The parents understand their responsibility and know that children are the future hope of the world. As Mahatma Gandhi rightly said, “a home is one of the place in which the future of humanity is being shaped, and the education of a child begins with conception.”

Today most of the Zou parents do not know the real meaning and purpose of Christian marriage and family. The reason may be due to illiteracy, lack of Christian teaching by the church and negligence and so on. Many couples are separated, disharmony and many children are helpless and without parents. Even the schools and Sunday school teachers do not know and give enough teaching. But the family is the backbone of the church, society, and even the nation. Children are the future hope and tomorrow’s leader for the church as well as the society. So the family must play her role in accordance with God’s will and parents must actively play their role and responsibility, so that we can have good church, society and nation.

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END NOTES

John Stott., Issues Facing Christian Today (Bombay:C.L.S. Press 1984), p. 258.
Eberhard, Arnold., Love and Marriage in the Spirit (New York: The Plough Publishing House, 1984), p. 118.
John Paul, Pope., A Paper Presentation At General Audience (L’osservatore Romano, No. 8 (621), p.20.
Vinoji, Samuel., “The New Testament Concept of Family” Unpublished M.Th. Thesis, Asian Christian Academy, India Evangelical Theological Seminary, 1994, p. 105. (Hereafter referred to as Samuel, Family)
Ibid., P. 105
Stanley, Grenz., Quotes Crais., Sexual Ethics, p. 105.
Samuel., Family., p. 7.
Norman, Wright., Key to Your Marriage, p. 12
C. W. Scuddir., The Family in Christian Perspective (Nashville Tennessee: Broadman Press, 1972), p.91.
The Christian Home (Shillong: W.E.S.I. – N.E. Trienniel Conference, on 6th – 10th Jan. 1993), p. 4.
Ibid., p.4.
Iovise Paw, and Lydia, (Eds.) Family Concerns and Church Programs (South East Asian Christian Family – Series 1982:4). Phillipines: Baptist Council on World Mission, 1982, p. 19. (Hereafter referred to be as Iovise Paw, and Lydia, Family and Church Programs).
The Christian Home., op. cit., p.2.
Cited by N. Moarenla., “The Disintegration Traditional Ao Family Patterns and Its Impact on Modern Christian Family” Unpublished B.D. Thesis Eastern Theological College, 1996, p.1.
Quoted by Vidya, Bhushan., An Introduction to Sociology, (Allahabad: Kitab Mahal, 1984), p. 225.
Quoted by I, Chuba an gang em., “ A Study of Present Christian Marriage and Its Problems Among the Ao-Naga”. Unpublished B.D. Thesis, ETC 1996), p. 61.
Mary, Thomas., Family Life A Christian Perspective, (Madras: CLS, 1982), p. 73.
Quoted by N. Moarenla., op. cit., p.4.
Ibid., p.56.
Decision, Vol. No. XI. Help For Your Home (Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, June, 1994), p. 15.
New Woman., Vol. 19, No.6, Parenting Guidance For Child Rearing (Shillong, Spring Issue, 1996),p.6.
Quoted by N. Moarenla, op. cit., p. 31.
Ibid., p.31.


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Introduction | Chapter 01 | Chapter 02 | Chapter 03 | Chapter 04 | Chapter 05
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