CHAPTER FIVE – BD Thesis | V. AN EVALUATION OF RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD AND CONCLUSION

Marriage is an institution ordained by God. It is, however, not purely Christian institution, but also made by people and of this world. It is not simply device for procreation, but a means to mutual fellowship and companionship. It is therefore the most abiding human relationship between man and woman where they are responsible fro each other’s welfare for every aspect of their lives.

Family is the basic unit and foundation of the society. It is dependent on the society. In the family, parents have responsibility to God, to each other, to children and their society.

Therefore, marriage and family in Christian understanding, from the perspective of responsible parenthood cannot be conceived apart from responsibility which we need to understand.

Parenthood is always understood in terms of responsibility. In marriage and family, the parents accept responsibility for each other as they are created complimentary and mutual beings. Through the concept of “one flesh” they have both physical and spiritual obligation to each other. St. Paul, therefore, exhorts the couples for the good of each other (I Cor 7:14; Eph 2:4). Hence, one cannot live according to one’s way. Any plan and decision affecting the family must be the combined work of both husband and wife without any selfish interest. They must responsible for each other because “both parents share equal responsibility for the family….” Therefore, it would be wrong for one to impose his/her view on the other and also for one partner to leave the decision to the other, God-given conscience for choice must be used responsibly.

The sense of parents’ responsibility to God evolves their responsibility to children. This is one of the most important duties of a couple in marriage and family. It must be noted that the very concept of responsible parenthood implies its rich joys and responsibility as parents share in the creative work of God. Thomas, therefore, affirms, “as love flowers into marriage and marriage into family, new incentives arise and wider obligations are assumed.” Marriage and family are therefore, both a privilege and responsibility.

Parents should realize their wide obligations and take account of their best ability to love, care and bring them up in the best possible way. They must try to prepare them to become responsible citizen in the society in their later life. Children have the full right to “parental care in infancy and youth and to proper equipment form society to serve God fully in it themselves.”

Besides, their physical needs, parents are also responsible for the spiritual upbringing of the children. They need religious training, instruction, teaching and discipline.

To conclude, in the light of our previous discussions, we have come to conclusion that responsible parenthood has to be closely associated with marriage and family which divinely ordained by God from the very beginning of creation. We also have seen the responsibility of parents toward their children.

In all our studies and examination of the concept, it has been clearly found that Christian marriage and family can not be understood apart from responsibility. In a family, parents are responsibility for their children for their total needs from infancy, till they become mature responsible person.

But today among the Zou parents one of the most serious problems which endanger is that parents thin that once a child admitted in the school, they have no responsibility for children except for supplying their physical needs. Parents often say we feed and clothe them and you teach them. This is a great mistake/misunderstanding on the part of parents. Children need the instruction and exemplary life of parents at home is a foundation for personality development.

Children may form the habits of prayer from the fact that parents engage in prayer at all times, in times of sickness, health, rejoicing and grief. The values and standard that child learn to make their own originate in the home. For example, honesty, hospitality, act of politeness, obedience, dignity of labor begins at home. Parents should assign certain pieces of work to every child. Children who have learned to work in the home will never suffer. It is in the home that the child first learns involvement in relationship. To be able to live a useful life in the society, the child has to learn how to maintain relationship with outside of home.

The Christians in today’s world have failed to show good Christian examples and have their zeal to serve the Lord. Many parents have neglected Christian education in their home, church, schools, and communities and so on. This is the reason why the rate of social evil is high in today’s society. In such a situation, every parents should plan their work properly, so that the child is gradually led into fuller knowledge of Christ. In this regard, the teaching and biblical truth is very important in order to help children grow in faith and in the relationship with God and fellow friends.

The other aspect in marriage and family is the responsibility of parents to society. The family is a basic unit of society upon the family. The harmony of the society depends upon responsible parents who produce useful children for their society. Parents are answerable to him in all that they do and plan for the family. Thus, we can affirm the fact that the concept of responsible parenthood means responsibility of parents to children by considering the rights of the child to love, care both physically and spiritually, psychologically and mentally to educate and to a full human existence.

If parents neglect their children by not teaching these values then the whole community and society suffers because of family is a barometer indicating not only what is going on in the world now, but what will be tomorrow and future generation. Therefore, when the home breaks, the community, society and the nation is on the skids. The contemporary social problems are due to the failure of the home. It is sad thing that many parents do not have a candid picture of home or family. They fail to create the right environment of a parent-child relationship. In many homes there is total lack of proper reasoning and guidance and instead resort to scolding and beating for a slight mischievous behavior. Moreover, with the development of culture and modern technique or modernization in every sphere of life, work, entertainment and recreation are provided outside homes and draw the attraction of many outside the realm of homes. Hence the home easily becomes a ‘feeding station by day and a dormitory by night.’ It is also a mistake to think and depend mainly upon school, church or Sunday School as the only place for the children to learn Christian virtues and concepts. But these are only secondary training centers. The home stands in the first place with parents as teachers.

Thus, the home is the first institution because every human being comes out from a home. The home is where God is the head and where the parents teach and guide the members according to God’s will and have faith in God and trust each others in the home which God wants. But in a home where the parents depend upon their riches and knowledge, their children will become depressed, frustrated, such home atmosphere becomes heavy, uncared, and neglected. This situation will result a situation where the Christian children become preys of drugs and immoral activities. Thus, the Christian home should be a home standing firm on the rock and not on the sand.

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End Notes

Ellen G. White., Happiness Homemade (Nashville: Southern Publishing Association, 1971), p. 27
A.M.J. Kloosterman., Family Planning and Christian Marriage (London: Wm Collin & Sons Co. Ltd., 1970)
John, A. Saliqu M., Family in the Purpose of God., op. cit. , p. 13
Fagly, Richard M., The Population Explosion and Christian Responsibility (New Your: Oxford University Press, 1960), p.231.

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BIBLIOGRAPHY

Adam, Jay E. Solving Marriage Problems. Michigan: Zondervan Publishing House, 1983.
Amer, Jonatsungba. Biblical Principles of Christian Education Applied to Christian School in Nagaland. Jorhat: Assam Printing Works, Pvt. Ltd., 1993.
Arnold, Eberhard. Love and Marriage in the Spirit. New York: The Plough Publishing House, 1984.
Barnette, Henlu H. Introduction to Christian Ethics. Nashville: Broadman Press, n. y.
Bhushan Vidya. An Introduction to Sociology. Allahabad: Kitab Mahal, 1984.
Christenson, Larry. The Christian Family. Minneapolis: Bethany Fellowship, 1970
Getz, Gene A. The Measure of Family. California: G/L Publishers, 1967.
Goldman, Ronald. Readiness for Religious Education. London: Routledge and Kegan Paul, n. y.
Hoefer, Herbert E. Teachers as Parent. Madras: CLS, 1976.
Klosterman, A.M.J. Family Planning and Christian Marriage. London: Wm. Collins Sons Co. Ltd. 1970.
Lahaye, Tim. The Spirit Controlled Family Living. New Jersey: Power Books, 1978.
Lianngengi, P. Lalpa Hmangaih Kristian Chhungkua (Godly Christian Family). Aizawl: Rev. & Mrs. Siamliana, 1990.
Lydia and Lovise Paw (Eds.). Family Concerns and Church Programs (South East Asian Christian Family Series, 1982). Philippines: Baptist Council on World Mission, 1992.
Paulus, Vimala. Introducing Christian Education. Bombay: CLS, 1993.
Rai, B.C. Educational Psychology. Lucknow: Prakashan Kendra, 1992.
Ralte, Lalramzaua. Kristian Chhungkua (Christian Family). Aizawl: Synod Publication Board, 1989.
Rice, John R. Home. Madras: ELS, 1994.
Richard Fagley, M., The Population Explosion and Christian Responsibility. New York: Oxford University Press, 1960.
Sadeq, John W., Family in the Purpose of God: A Miscellany of Essays Relating to Planned Parenthood in India Settings. Nagpur: The National Christian Council and Christian Medical Association of India, n.y.
Satya, R.N. & Bhatai Bd. Educational Psychology and Guidance. Delhi: Phanpati & Sons,n.y.
Scudder, C. W., The Family in Christian Perspective. Nashville: Broadman Press, 1972.
Stott, John. Issues Facing Christianity Today. Bombay: CLS, 1984.
Thomas, Mary. Family Life: A Christian Perspective. Madras: CLS, 1982
White, Ellen G., Happiness Homemade. Nashville: Southern Publishing Association, 1974.
_____________ . Happiness in Marriage. Poona: Oriental Watchman Publishing House, n. y.

UNPUBLISHED SOURCES

Aye, David. “Psychological Approach to the Youth Problems in Reference to Sumi Youths in Nagaland.” Unpublished B.D. Thesis Submitted to Eastern Theological College, 1996.
Down, Mary Evans. “Creative Foundation Starting a Nursery School” (Unpublished MSS).
Imchen, Tali R. “The Role of Christian Education in Developing Child Personality.” Unpublished B.D. Thesis submitted to Eastern Theological College, 1996.
Lotha, Remphamo E.N. “Christian Attitude Towards the Concept of Responsible Parenthood: An Ethical Evaluation.” Unpublished B.D. Thesis in United Theological College, 1978.
Moarenla, N. “The Disintegration Traditional Ao Family Patterns and Its Impact on Modern Christian Family.” Unpublished B.D. Thesis, Eastern Theological College, 1996.
Samuel, Vinoji. “The New Testament Concept of Family.”Unpublished M.Th Thesis Submitted to Asian Christian Academy, India Evangelical Theological Seminary, Hosur, 1994.
The Asian Churches and Responsible Parenthood. Bangkok: EACC Consultation, 1964.
The Christian Home. Shillong: WESI –NE, Triennial Conference on 6th – 10th January, 1993.
Magazines/Journals/ Newspapers/Periodicals/Pamphlets
Decision. Vol. No. XI “Help for Your Family.” Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, June, 1994.
New Woman. Vol. 19, No. 6, “Parenting Guidance for Child Rearing.” Shillong, Spring June, 1996.
The Eastern Clarion, Jorhat, March, 27, 1996.

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Introduction | Chapter 01 | Chapter 02 | Chapter 03 | Chapter 04 | Chapter 05

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CHAPTER FOUR - BD Thesis | IV. NEEDS FOR TEACHING CHRISTIAN TRUTH AT HOME

4.1. Teach the Value of Worship

Here we would focus on the family worship; but we would first define the meaning of worship in order to enhance its importance.

The Old Testament word used to speak of the worship of God, shachal (Hebrew) means literally “to bow down”; proskunau (Greek) the principal New Testament word for the worship of God, means literally “to bow down,” or “to kiss the hand toward” are behavioral or actions. They are not merely an awareness or feeling. Worship is an expression or behavior that arises from input, awareness, feeling, and decision. But worship does not exist until there is expression or behavior. Thus, we should define worship in terms of expression, “worship in my voluntary, conscious expression to God of His worth, greatness, and goodness to me”

Now we shall see some of the examples of family worship in the Bible. Since the Bible was written in the Patriarchal society the role of father or husband was mentioned many times. For example, God chose Noah to be the source of protection for his children during the flood. To Abraham, He said that through his children and the descendant, he would be the head of a special nation (Gen. 12:2). To Jacob God gave the responsibility of providing for the spiritual guidance to twelve sons. Joshua was given special ability not to lead His people to the promised land of Canaan but to give them spiritual direction through his choosing together with his whole family, “to serve the Lord” (Jos 24:15).

From the above observation of the Old Testament people we can clearly see that God gave the responsibility to father/husband and they are also actively involved in family worship. Since they started worship in their families, they were god leaders and effective father in their time. Today, they modern world is engaged and visual media. Even the children are easily fallen into the trap in modern tempting world. So the parents’ duty is to protect their children from all kinds of attraction: spiritual, mental or physical through family worship prayer. So the role of parents, especially father is really important.

According to Victor Tobing: God wants to use man to be special channel for all the matters of His family. But His fulfillment of task can be carried only when men had right relationship with God. And through God’s word man can know how he needs to behave in the presence of wife and children and guide them properly.

But today many parents, especially church leaders, are not successful and withdrawn from taking responsibility to their respective family. One pastor said to me that we the pastors had no time to teach our children, because we are to busy in our pastoral ministry. If we are not successful in our children, that is not our fault. That pastor’s word touches my heart and it is difficult to accept for me. Because, for me, the success of the pastor’s ministry will be first seen in the family, Church, society and so on.

Generally, family worship includes Bible reading and prayer of 10, 20 and 30 minutes. This traditional pattern has no deeper meaning. Let us see some of the necessary elements of conducting family worship

1. The whole family should join together.

Today, some of the family had regular worship at hoe. But parents do not care whether their children are joining or not. They are not strict and do not instruct the importance of family worship. But surely the whole family should be together in worship, and should take part. Each should contribute his/her part of the blessing that comes from united prayer and praise and hearing of the world of God.

John E. Rice, rightly says that: If there is a reason for the family eating together or be together at Christmas or thanksgiving, there is reason for the family to worship together or together regularly for family worship.

The family is unique before God. The family should fix the appropriate time for every one of them to join in the worship service. Some people had early morning; but some had in late night before sleep. But it should be the convenience of the family.

2. All Members Should Take Part

It is good that one person should read the Bible and leading in prayer. But today especially the Zou fathers lead or spent with parental authority. This is inherited form the traditional family set up. Modern psychologist lay stress on the need for a democratic set up in family for the development of the individual as person. Due to too much parental authority, children are provoke and boring even in worship time. If possible it is good to conduct/have family worship as simple as possible. Too much preparation will give bad impact to the child; because they can think the presence of God is only during family worship. They should know god’s presence is everywhere, time and so on.

It is good to change the order of service. We can change the way of reading Bible and prayer. There must be a time for sharing of their experience in a past day. Even the little baby should be taught to memorize some short verses, or should be taught a simple prayer. And as soon as s/he can read the Bible, the child should read the Scripture. S/he should learn to bow his/her head and keeping his/her hand while praying. Family worship should be used for sharing and asking questions. The child might not clearly understand what s/he learns in Sunday School or his/her subjects like science which contradict the teaching of the Bible especially creation story and so on. Parents should clearly explain and teach the uniqueness of the Bible. Anyhow, it is good to encourage critical thought and judgment and they should be made to think for themselves. But religion should not be taught in an authoritarian way.

It is good to bring our tithe and missionary offering or faith promise in Sunday family worship service. Parents should explain the practice of giving tithe and others offerings to their children and offers prayers before giving to the church. It is good to give missionary faith promise and Bible Society donation in the name of our children.

These will give positive impact to the life of the child.

3. The purpose and uniqueness of regular worship service in the family are as follows:

Family worship is not simply a kind of gathering, but it is really unique and meaningful. As we have already stated that the home is the first and most important place of worshipping God. So the family must have regular worship service for the following reasons.

i. Christian education has its basic in the Bible, which is the work of God. God is worthy to be praised and worshipped by human being. Thus, by having regular worship in the family, the children are reminded of the true meaning of life and fear of God in their whole of life.

ii. Family worship service will give many blessing to the family. Because reading and praying to God will give more closeness to God. In this way many children encounter Jesus Christ through their family worship service.

iii. By having regular worship times and participation will encourage the child to give experience and leadership quality in future. They could lead the singing, prayer service in the church or Sunday School, because they are already trained in their family.

4.2. Teach the Value of Prayer

The role of parents especially father was really unique in the Bible. The father represents priest in his family. As a priest he is called to intercede before God and claiming God’s protection and blessing upon them. In the Bible, this priestly role is typified in the Passover ordinance. In each family it was a tradition for the father to kill the sacrificial lamb and to sprinkle its blood over.

Parents should also teach like – Mealtime prayer, Bed-time prayer, Morning Prayer and so on. When the child is sick parents should lay his/her hand and pray before giving medicine. So that children will thing that God has cured through medicine. Parents should also pray every day for their children. So that children will be meaningful in their life.

4.3. Teaching

The home is the best place in the world to teach the Bible. The home- taught Bible is the greatest source of moral character. Home where the Bible is diligently taught to the children and where the Lord Jesus Christ becomes their own Savior and Lord will no child delinquency, because the Bible has the answer to life’s questions. We must teach the children from the Bible in order to introduce them to Christ and strengthened their relationship with Him. Sound habits, a social conscience, and moral responsibility follow the light of the word of God into the minds of children. Dr. William Lyon Phelops said, “knowledge of the Bible was worth more than a college education in value both for happiness and usefulness.” The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Prov. (9:10), and the Bible is the foundation of ethics, philosophy, history, humanity and religion and etc.

That’s why God put the responsibility to parents. In Deut. 6:6, it says, “And these words, which I command thee this day… thou shalt teach them diligently unto the children, and shalt talk of them when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” This is a clear picture of parents teaching the word of God to their children in the home.

Proper and timely training is the most important path of success in any one’s life with regards to any filed or area. Eph 6:4 points out Fathers are to train their children in Lord’s way. It is not optional but command. This is a consistent neglect among parents forgetting the responsibility of training the child to bring them up strong mentally, physically and spiritually. Parents must realize that the ultimate responsibility of bringing the child reacts not with the child or school but with the parents. The importance of training the children is brought out by the wisest Solomon in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

It is a fundamental and foremost responsibility of parents to teach their children to be obedience to the Law of God. As long as they live, they are accountable to God to keep His way. Some parents complained that they do not have the gift of teaching and time. Since it is not a systematic role at class rooms, it needs not much ability. It is also not mandatory; parents can only decide whether or not they will obey the word. Many parents also say, “I have no time to be with my children and teach them.” They should not have taken upon them the time which is justly theirs; they rob them of the education which they should have at their hands. To those parents who make the above excuses Ellen S. White, make an appealed as below:

Then for Christ’s sake spend less time on your dress. Neglect if you are to adorn your apparel. Neglect to receive and make calls. Neglect to cook an endless variety of dishes. But, never, never neglect your children. What is the chaff to the wheat? Let nothing interpose between you and the best interests of your children … Parents also should remember that if the children do not find in their parents and in their home that which will satisfy their desire for sympathy and companionship, they will look to other sources, where both mind and character may be endangered.

Every home today desperately needs parents who understand importance of teaching the children. Because, the main responsibility of spiritual training is laid upon parents. The most powerful way to teach the young children is by parental example. If children feel that their parents are good to them, comfortable with them, and loving them by caring; naturally they want to follow the footsteps of their parents. Thus, to talk about the spiritual thing apart from setting forth a living example before them seems lie ‘hypocritic’ before the child.

Parents have much opportunities to teach children God’s word in the course of daily activities. Today due to scientific discovery, media education and other reasons, many children express their doubt concerning the creation of universe, human being and so on. So parents and Sunday School teachers should teach properly from their childhood. Children also should sees all these facts and believe through the life and practices of their parents.

John Ronaldaph clearly stated that:

If my mother did not teach the Lord’s Prayer in my childhood, I might be the one who does not believe in the existence of God.

The same statement was true and correct in the life of Moses and Timothy. They were the people who got proper training/teaching at home from their early childhood. So parents’ great responsibility is to bring up the children by placing in their minds, admonition, the counsel, the instruction and correction.

Above all parents must make sure that to train up the child not simple in the way that every other child should go but in the way in which God wants him\her to grow up. The Bible rightly plays a simple role in Christian education because it is God’s instrument for promoting spiritual growth and fellowship with him. It is also through the scripture that children are taught, reproved, corrected, made wise into salvation and made mature (2 Tim. 3;16-17)

But today it seems that the Zou parents did not gain much spiritual values in family worship or Bible reading. It was boring and meaningless for some children. Usually father\ mother read long Bible passage and give long sermon or using this time for scolding and pint point out the fault of their children. Due to all these problems those who have regular family worship service children are not much better than those who had once a week. Here we shall briefly see how the home Bible teaching should be done suggested by John R. Rice:

1). In the family worship period at least one chapter of the Bible be read. It should be consecutive, chapter by chapter, through one book of the Bible, then through another, and then all, or nearly all, of the Bible to be read so through the years.

2). To make this worship period more effective in teaching the Bible to all, the parents should prepare a head of time by looking over the scripture to be used, giving thought of doubtful questions and looking up the necessary answer if he\ she does not knot know.

3). Call special attention to especially helpful verses, explaining some of them. Do not go into bore some detail, but arouse interest and satisfy it wills honest explanations as far as possible.

4). Suggest some verse to memorize.

5). Stop and apply the scripture occasionally to daily life, to gently rebuke a failure, to warn of temptation.

6). Stop and pray over failures and faults, which are bought to mind by the scriptures read the daily reading with such prayerful attention will prove very helpful in learning the word of God, and in applying the spirit of its teaching to the heart and daily life. But too long passages of reading the Bible can be boring for child. It is also good to read some of the devotional books like –Stream in the Desert by Mrs. Cowman, or Morning and Evening By – C. H. Spurgeon or Daily Bread and so on.

5.4. Instructing

The Greek word translated admonition means instruction. Paul used a beautiful illustration of parental instruction when he was talking to the Thessalonians’ Christians (1Thess. 2:11-12). Paul says, “For you know that we deal with each one of you as a father deal with his own children, encouraging, comforting, and urging you to live worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.” Paul demonstrated what fathers should do with each one of his children.

Parents are to encourage their children constantly. The children’s motivation to live a righteous and holy life comes from being example and instructing them. Parents should never hesitate to warn their children of sin and its devastating dangers and effects. They are to be instructed to live for God which is the only source of healthy happiness in this evil world. The teaching of the children begins with instruction. It may be instruction in the table manners, moral values and with regard to the spiritual welfare.

Parents are to instruct their children in building good work habits. Parents should assign certain easy duty to the child at home. A four year-old child can systematically empty all the waste baskets in the house. Six and seven year old can set the table and help with the dishes. As each new job is assigned, the necessary instruction should accompany it. But today the Zou parents neglect to give certain duties to their children. They are only meant for studies. That spoils the life of the child; and we found so many lazy youngsters in the Zou society. The whole day they were roaming, playing and full of leisure. Because of too much free time in the life of the youngster, they indulge in bad practices such as drug addiction, drinking, crime and so on.

As I have said that all the children are bound to study, there is no alternative. But some children/youngsters are not talented in study. They could hardly study up to class VII or IX. Since they don’t have any other alternative livelihood, they are engaged in robbing, drinking and even joining insurgency groups. Some young girls do not know how to cook, wash clothes and other domestic work. All these are the mistake made by parents to their children. Jewish Proverb says if a father does not teach his/her child how to work; he indirectly asks him/her to be a thief. Because of all these teaching they were the people who are high in economic status. Thelma Hatfield state concerning this is really challenging for every parents. He said:

Parents you must teach and train your children so they will like to work or at least when faced with a piece of hardwork be able to get in and do it without suffering oppression. You can rear them in Christian doctrine and culture and by God’s grace they will be born again; but if you do not train them to work they will never amount to anything for God or themselves or for you. A lazy Christian never did anything for God.

From the early years itself children should be taught to manage and certain responsibility themselves. Because one day they will come to a stage where they have to manage and take responsibility themselves.

4.5. Teach the Value of Culture

As like other tribals the Zou people have rich culture and tradition. They have unity, respect of elder, sharing, love and so on. They regard their culture and customs highly and observed strictly. But today with the advent of modernity and Christianity the life style of the Zou people have changed. Their old culture and customs become meaningless and funny for the youngster.

In the olden days, young people were taught songs, legends, myths, stories, dances and the art of work and so on. Every parents especially Christian regarded these are contradiction to Christian teaching, they even not allow their children to participate in cultural dances, and other social gathering. Because they regard that the Zou culture and customs are instruments of Satan. Today many children and youth did not know their origin, culture and even forgotten their own language. English songs and others tribal languages have replaced the Zou language and culture. It is really true the Zou popular cultural dance called ‘Sagual Phei Khai” was taken by one tribe and used as their own traditional dance. Even the ‘Zou puon’ (cultural cloth/shawl) was claimed by other as their own cloth. Some of the youngsters laugh at those who speak in Zou dialect, and who sing and think them as old fashioned and old timers unit for modern society. This was really true in the town area.

The other area which badly affect of the tradition and practices was that ‘Tawm ngaina’. It simply means that self giving or sacrifice for other without hoping any reward. In the olden days the Zou people practiced caring, sharing with the poor and widow. But today it slowly vanished. Instead those who are strong and clever eat up the share of the poor people. Due to all these problems some old fellows challenge the youngster especially Christians are without love and concern for others. It seems that the olden days of the Zou society was better than this age.

Moreover, in the olden days, the Zou live under strict rules and custom. The oldest son looked after the after, and could not do anything with consulting with their parents or relatives. But today this culture and custom has been dominated by individual freedom. Today so many old parents are without proper care of the eldest son and regarded as ignorant. Some live according to their own will leaving aside their customs. They do not regard their cultures and traditions. They also claim that they are modern people and the latter are old fashioned.

Thus, M. Horam in his lamenting tone writes: One can also find the beginning of the defiance of parental authority and rejection of their advice as old fashioned, but mostly among the modern homes impatiently dismissing their parents with the withering comments ‘you don’t know anything,’ ‘you are to old fashioned.’ These young people tend to blame all family discord on the generation gap; the results are unhappiness in the families.

Hence modernization has brought a big gap between old and new cultures. So the parents should think properly and teach the good values of their own cultures to their children. Until and unless the family preserves the Zou cultures and customs the Zou society will face lots of problems in future too. Because, most of the Zou social problems are due to the decline of their cultural values. So every parents should realize their faults and try to use the good and relevant cultures and customs of the Zou people; so that they can fill up the big mistakes and gap that has been changed by modernization.

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End Notes

Ronald W. Leigh, Quoted by Jonatsungba Amer., Biblical Principles of Christian Education Applied to Christian School in Nagaland (Jorhat: Assam Printing Works Pvt. Ltd. 1993), p.101 (Hereafter referred to as Jonatsungba Amer, Christian Education..)
Tim, Lahaye., The Spirit Controlled Family Living (New Jersey: Power Books, 1978), p. 55
Lovise Paw and Lydia., Family and Church Programs, p. 9
John R. Rice., Home (Madras: ELS, 1994), pp. 247-48
Mary Thomas., Family Life a Christian Perspective, op. cit., p. 59
Tim Lahaye., op. cit., p. 147
Dr. William Lyon Phelps., Quoted by John R. Rice., op. cit., p. 276
Samuel., Family, p.6
Ellen S. White., Happiness in Marriage (Poona: Oriental Watchman Publishing House, n.y.), p. 77
Daniel H. Smith., Quoted by Samuel, Family, op. cit., p. 97
Lalramzaua, Ralte., Kristian Chhungkua (Aizawl: Synod Publication Board, 1989), p.10
Wayne, Mack., The Marriage Relationship, p. 127
John R. Rice., op. cit., p. 82
Samuel., Family op. cit., p. 99
Gene A. Getz., op. cit. p. 92
Larry, Christenson., op. cit., p. 66
Thelma, Field. Quoted by Larry Christenson., Ibid., p. 67
M. Horam, quoted by Moarenla, op. cit., p.53.

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Introduction | Chapter 01 | Chapter 02 | Chapter 03 | Chapter 04 | Chapter 05
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Chapter 1 | The Role and Responsibility of Parents in Teaching Christian Truth to Children at Home

CHAPTER ONE

I. CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE AND FAMILY

1.1. The Christian Marriage

Marriage was the first institution which God established, even before the government and the church. In Gen 2:18, God performed the first marriage ceremony in the Garden of Eden. So marriage was not an accident or ideas of man but it was the plan of God. As the preface to the 1662 Marriage Service says, it was institution by God himself in the time of human’s innocence, ordered and beautified by Christ’s presence in the wedding at Cana which also symbolizes the mystical union between Christ and church. It is the creation ordinance, preceding the fall; it is to be regarded as God’s gracious gift to all humankind. In this way God has shaped, endorsed and enabled marriage where the specific component, it determines in various ways the totality of human nature.

Marriage is also an important means to establish and experience an intimate relationship between the opposite sexes. It provides the means by which a man and woman can help each other in the fullest sense of the term. It is an important means of creating companionship and establishing a home as well as meeting moral and sexual needs. When God created humankind, he created them male and female; so from the very beginning the union of the two opposite sexes is seen (Gen 1:26-28). E. Arnold rightly said, “Marriage is a union of two… through their agreement two become one and no longer two but one.”

Man and woman are complementary in their bodies and their psychology. They are made for each other, each one discovers his/her true self in relationship to the other.

John Paul II, speaks of the ‘nuptial’ body of man and woman, in order to emphasize that the body of one is made to be united to one another. Man and woman, in the mystery of creation, are a mutual gift. They were mutually conscious of the nuptial meaning of their bodies, in which the freedom of the gift is expressed and all the interior riches of the person as subjects are manifested.

Therefore, Christians affirms that marriage is divine institution and as such it is honorable and it has dignity (Heb 13:4). Marriage is the means through which one enters into a family. Apart from marriage, there is no family. Man and woman by himself/herself is incomplete unless s/he has a married partner.

1.2. Marriage is Permanent

This seems to be vague and funny concept to the modern, especially western, where life-long commitment in marriage seems to be impossible. For example, in 1940, there was one divorce out of six marriages in America; but in 1960 the number increased to one in every four. Thus, marriage has become a battle of 50-50 chance in modern day. There are even many more couples who wish to disconnect the marital vow, remains being plagued by marital unhappiness and dullness.

Today divorce has caused unbelievable havoc in the church as well as in the society. This affects the spouses instead of helping them. As Garland noted, “ Many couples who are going through the divorce finds it more painful than the death of a partner.”

The negative result which divorce carries on children is unthinkable. Recent studies indicate that the burden children bear may outweigh than that of the divorced spouses.

A. Everett comments on this:

There is little question that the children in divorcing families carry the greatest vulnerability and often sustains the greatest pain and anguish during and after the divorce process. In fact, it is the adjustment crises that the children of divorce experience which may linger well into adulthood. Disillusion, anger and fear may shape their own adulthood selection process as well as the parenting and interactional patterns of the next generation.

In Malachi 2:16, God says, “I hate divorce.” Jesus also addressing the unbelievable Pharisees, “Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate (Matt 19:6). Apostle Paul expresses the same idea in I Cor 7:39; Rom 7:1-3. These two passages are strong enough to point out the permanency and bond of marriage between two people. So marriage is a life long link between two persons and that relationship should be never broken as long as both partners are alive.

1.3. Marriage Is a New Relationship

When God performed the first marriage ceremony, He said, “Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and they become one flesh (Gen 2:24).” Here the emphasis is upon two verbs ‘leave’ and ‘cleave.’ Leaving is one of the basic teachings of the Bible that will eventually lead to the formation of a nuclear family. This words means ‘forsake’ one relationship in order to establish another.

“Leaving” in every sense must be followed strictly for the cleaving together of husband and wife. One of the main reasons for the break up of today’s marriage is that many leave home physically, but remain there psychologically. Leaving does not mean that relationship is ended; rather it means a new relationship started.

The word “cleave” means to hold on to and not let go. This “cleaveness” describes the permanence, holiness and living union of marriage. The “cleaveness” also implies that in biblical marriage a man and a woman make a life long commitment to each other.

The expression found in the creation story is that: marriage is not simply a contract or partnership, but it is an entering into a relationship or real unity of body and spirit, which the Scripture gives the name “one flesh.” Marriage is a total person for the total life.

It is the most strong, close and intimate form of relationship one can have on this earth. For this reason Apostle Paul took marriage as an analogy which represents a great bond between Christ and His Church. There is nothing s meaningful like two distinct personalities living together enjoying all the variations of life, ecstasy, excitement, pain and pleasure.

This relationship is most important in a family next to God; one’s spouse should come before any one or anything else. Even children (no matter how important) do not hold a marriage together. The home atmosphere, security and well being of the children, will depend largely on the husband –wife relationship. So, home atmosphere is the most important factor in an individual’s personality development.

1.4. The Husband/Wife Relationship Must Be Strong And Healthy

In consider raising children, the marital relationship remains without question the most important bond in a family. When children become problematic, many psychologists will trace the root cause to conflict in the husband/wife relationship. The lost of husband and wife relationship will automatically affects the life of children physically, psychologically and even treated children security. And these are expressed most often not verbally, but in their behavior such as disobedience, lost of interest in studies, picking up bad habits, etc.

Some of the physical affects are stomachache, laziness, etc. for no apparent reasons. This is so because the greats need of children particularly 12 years and below is their parents’ love. They need to know that mummy and daddy are loving one another. Incidentally, psychologists say that one of the big fears of children, 12 years and below, is the fear of parents dying and divorce. So when parents are not in harmony, insecurity, fear, and guilt set in the child’s mind, resulting in behavioral problems. The effect of the husband and wife relationship is for a life time on the child. This impact cannot be wiped out working on a building a strong relationship with our spouses will make raising children on easier and enjoyable experience.

1.5. Agape Love Or Unconditional Love

The most important element in the happy Christian home is love. The word ‘Agape’ is selfless love with which God loves the sinner. The nature of agape is that of love that is directed towards and objects or person who does not deserve it. God’s love for man includes agape love and forgiveness.
It is the presence of agape in marriage relationship which makes it possible for Paul to compare husband and wife relationship to that between Christ and the church (Eph 5:25).

Christ’s love for the church is not an easy pattern to be followed, but it remains as the best example in which husband/wife relationship is built upon. It is so pitiful that many of the couples do not know what Christ’s sacrifice means to them. While Jesus was on Earth; He expressed His love through all that He did. His words and acts were the proof of his love. He did not keep His love to Himself; but rather communicated it to His followers and disciples.

Victor Tobing rightly said,

Love is to be expressed and to be communicated. Love is like a living water flowing out of the heart of the lover to all around him. Husband/wife must be willing to give up his/her self completely for the sake of the beloved in order that he/she may fulfill the required responsibilities. This may need limiting desires, ambitions, and entertainment etc.

Although, I Cor 13, is not dealing with marital relationship, it can be effectively applied to husband/wife relationship. The unconditional love is the foundation of all love relationships. It is not dependent on such things as spouse’s performance, age, looks mistakes, etc. this agape love says, “I love my wife/husband no matter what.” Unconditional love is an ideal and can never attain it 100 percent. But the closer we get to it, the more perfect we made by him who changes us. And the more satisfied we will be of each other.
How can I convey this kind of love in reality? What are some ways?

a. Self - acceptance and adopting each other as you are, no one is perfect.
b. Mutual self – esteem, respect his/her as a person of dignity. Criticism is important, but not to hurt or insult his/her deeply. Remember, we have fragile egos.
c. Recognize husband’s/wives true worth. Build up other’s self-esteem. Dwelling more on the positive than the negative; giving positive feed back, etc. we must also appreciate each other.
d. Forgiving specially when s/he is wrong and you are right. Treat problems when they’re small. Don’t pile up resentment, it will burst some day.

1.2. Christian Family

The word ‘Family’ has been taken over from the Roman ‘famulus’ which means ‘a servant.’ The Law of Roman word denoted the group of producers and slaves and other servants as members connected by descend or by marriage.

Family is a living system in which its member functions in an organized pattern. It is a unique social unit in any given society, both ancient and modern. Family is the result of marriage which is divinely instituted. It is one of the aims and results of marriage. It is also eldest among the institution; and the first centre of all human activities.

According to scholars like Burges and Locke:

Family is a group of persons united by the ties of marriage, blood or adoption, constituting a single household, interacting and inter-communication with each other in their respective social roles of husband an wife, mother and father, son and daughter, brother and sister creating a common culture.

Many sociologists and social scientists may give a number of definitions for family, but since all the families are not Christians. Some definition may not be relevant for a Christian family.

A Christian is more than a natural family. Leen Smith says:

Christian family is composed of individuals who are growing and responding in faith and love, for God in Jesus Christ, who are known as Christians and are in integral part of the church, whose relationship express God’s unconditional love, living by God’s will and sharing a sense of mission, creating and sustaining a Christian culture and spirit.

The purpose of Christian family is to glorify God through its life and deeds. It is the place whose children grow best in an atmosphere of security and affection and that marital attributes can never be substituted for true love.

Hence, love is caring, sharing, giving and is only within the family relationship and experience that family life so abundantly and together develop into mature persons.

The Christian family is the backbone of the nation, it is an institution where the members are bound together by a Christian love, where children are welcomed and instructed with the Scripture teaching. It is the place where Jesus is not the supposed head of the home, but the actual head, where parents and children gather daily for family worship and committed to serve him. The commitment of Jesus to serve the Lord, “…. as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord (Josh 24:15),” becomes the theme of commitment of Christian family.

Since every human being belongs to a family and only through such relationship one finds the growth and fulfillment as individual person. It is also forms the basic structure to which society has given the responsibility of socializing the future citizen.

To build a good society depends on a good Christian family. If the family is good, it contributes good things to the society. The family is the cradle of future society and the family environment is the major influence determining the quality of the next generation.

Thus, Mary Thomas rightly says: The family is important because it shapes us more than any other force. It determines the kind of people tomorrow’s citizen will be…. Family has been and will be the most powerful influence in the development of people’s personality and character. And the personality and character of people, after all, determine what tomorrow will be.

1.3. Christian Home

A home is the smallest socio-political unit; like-wise, a Christian home is the smallest as well as primary Christian institution. The home according to Rev. Era Maria, is not simply a house which is built from stones or mud. But a Christian home is constructed with the love of Christ and the faith of its members. The home is the place where the members of the family find complete rest both physically, mentally, and spiritually. Marie-Mignan affirms that, “home which is not just a place where we live but a place where we are understood.”

The home which is built by human knowledge or without knowing God’s will easily fall down or drop into it and may be lost when temptation and trials come. Therefore, the Bible clearly affirms that unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labour in vain (Psalm 127:1). Billy Graham says, “Make the Lord Christ the foundation of your home. No home today can stand unless the family in that home has a strong faith in Jesus Christ.” Today we see many big concrete building which is constructed with corruption and gambling. Since Christ has no place the owner of the house face problems and disharmony, and even their children were drug addict and so on. So the Christian home is more important.

A home must be more than a shelter from rain and protection from storm; it must be a centre of religious life. No parents can effectively teach religion to a child unless s/he possesses in his/her own spirit and practices it in daily living. Home should be the focal point for the children’s spiritual development. Parents should fill their children’s minds with the Scripture at home. Children should be taught to read the Bible regularly. Help your children to understand that the word of God is food for the soul as bread is food for the body. Begin as early as possible to teach your children to honour and fear God.

It is the home that social nurture begins and children learn the first lesson of social living. It has also been the greatest school of discipline, where children learn the lessons of all aspects of life. It is also the place where parents too learn the meaning of duty and obligation, readiness to abandon their selfishness for the sake of one another and for the sake of the children. According to Tuis Shisak,

The Christian home is where the parents educate their children for developing, into a whole person by meeting their needs physically, spiritually and mentally to become a whole human.

A God-centred family is the first and the best school. The Christians parents train and give instruction to the children in a way that God wants them to do. The parents understand their responsibility and know that children are the future hope of the world. As Mahatma Gandhi rightly said, “a home is one of the place in which the future of humanity is being shaped, and the education of a child begins with conception.”

Today most of the Zou parents do not know the real meaning and purpose of Christian marriage and family. The reason may be due to illiteracy, lack of Christian teaching by the church and negligence and so on. Many couples are separated, disharmony and many children are helpless and without parents. Even the schools and Sunday school teachers do not know and give enough teaching. But the family is the backbone of the church, society, and even the nation. Children are the future hope and tomorrow’s leader for the church as well as the society. So the family must play her role in accordance with God’s will and parents must actively play their role and responsibility, so that we can have good church, society and nation.

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END NOTES

John Stott., Issues Facing Christian Today (Bombay:C.L.S. Press 1984), p. 258.
Eberhard, Arnold., Love and Marriage in the Spirit (New York: The Plough Publishing House, 1984), p. 118.
John Paul, Pope., A Paper Presentation At General Audience (L’osservatore Romano, No. 8 (621), p.20.
Vinoji, Samuel., “The New Testament Concept of Family” Unpublished M.Th. Thesis, Asian Christian Academy, India Evangelical Theological Seminary, 1994, p. 105. (Hereafter referred to as Samuel, Family)
Ibid., P. 105
Stanley, Grenz., Quotes Crais., Sexual Ethics, p. 105.
Samuel., Family., p. 7.
Norman, Wright., Key to Your Marriage, p. 12
C. W. Scuddir., The Family in Christian Perspective (Nashville Tennessee: Broadman Press, 1972), p.91.
The Christian Home (Shillong: W.E.S.I. – N.E. Trienniel Conference, on 6th – 10th Jan. 1993), p. 4.
Ibid., p.4.
Iovise Paw, and Lydia, (Eds.) Family Concerns and Church Programs (South East Asian Christian Family – Series 1982:4). Phillipines: Baptist Council on World Mission, 1982, p. 19. (Hereafter referred to be as Iovise Paw, and Lydia, Family and Church Programs).
The Christian Home., op. cit., p.2.
Cited by N. Moarenla., “The Disintegration Traditional Ao Family Patterns and Its Impact on Modern Christian Family” Unpublished B.D. Thesis Eastern Theological College, 1996, p.1.
Quoted by Vidya, Bhushan., An Introduction to Sociology, (Allahabad: Kitab Mahal, 1984), p. 225.
Quoted by I, Chuba an gang em., “ A Study of Present Christian Marriage and Its Problems Among the Ao-Naga”. Unpublished B.D. Thesis, ETC 1996), p. 61.
Mary, Thomas., Family Life A Christian Perspective, (Madras: CLS, 1982), p. 73.
Quoted by N. Moarenla., op. cit., p.4.
Ibid., p.56.
Decision, Vol. No. XI. Help For Your Home (Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, June, 1994), p. 15.
New Woman., Vol. 19, No.6, Parenting Guidance For Child Rearing (Shillong, Spring Issue, 1996),p.6.
Quoted by N. Moarenla, op. cit., p. 31.
Ibid., p.31.

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Introduction | Chapter 01 | Chapter 02 | Chapter 03 | Chapter 04 | Chapter 05
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